The league's security apparatus sure is quick and thorough on such important matters.

Argonaut all men.

According to Heath, when he attempted to explain his grievance in a phone call, Argos president Chris Rudge hung up on him.

"need you home a sap"

This is not exactly news Tom. Jay's sucked at home all year.

Fuck Wilson. The dude just up and swims off at the first sign of rough weather. Some friend.

All of this could have been avoided had his caddie suggested a different club.

"I'm sure this will all blow over."

Ford: [frantically checks James' 2003 draft projection]

It amazes me that this kind of stuff keeps happening to pro athletes. They are multi-millionaires easily have the resources to avoid these kinds of unfortunate situations. I mean, really, bowling???

[calls Sports Illustrated to cancel subscription]

Peter Weller was my professor when I was studying in Florence. Brilliant man with an awesome sense of humor. He called out my classmates for being unable to answer as many questions as I could while walking around Rome saying "Matt's still drunk and he knows more than your asses." The one thing we never did was bring…

Furthermore, upon information and belief, when Tom Benson was recent asked who the current president of the United States was, he replied that Ronald Reagan was the president.

This seems late. The Redskins were removed from the playoff picture way back in November.

This girl seems like a pretty unbelievable catch.

Looks like he should have taken an unplayable lie.

Nothing worse than when you're trying to have sex with a hot-ass girl and all of a sudden your balls go soft. Totally ruins the moment.

"The NFL of the 1990s was weird as hell."

"Yeah, that's what they tell me."
-Troy Aikman

No wonder it was overlooked, Roger Goodell got a memo that read Moisten Needle and Insert and he promptly ignored it assuming it was another angry note from his wife.