Anthony still can't believe that the DC police allow prostitutes to be cops.

If I wanted to see a wildcat sucking a dick, I'd just watch game film from a Tony Sparano-coached team.

Heath also alleges that all pants with waists below 46 are discriminatory against him.

Despite the obvious deficiencies in Cutler's performance, Cavallari has decided to renew their vows.

"That's BS," said Wilson rep Jim Jenkins,.

Larry Sanders would also like to chop through some nuggets in Denver.

At about 1:27 a.m., Allenby was helped into a cab by a homeless woman named Charade Keane.

...but things are finally starting to look up in Cleveland.

"He gave me a hard time about my contract. I was like, The fuck you doing? This is Peanuts."

Zlatan is the fucking best.

Yes. Ughs all around.

HENDRIX: Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced?

Upon information and belief, under the apparent supervision of Gayle, the diet of Tom Benson has drastically deteriorated, with him rarely consuming full, nutritious meals, but instead, for some reason, subsisting on candy, ice cream, sodas, and red wine.

This is great, Adrian.

"I definitely wouldn't be able to tell if one ball had less pressure than another," he said.

COP #1: Sounds like Robert's got no Allen-by

If I wanted to complain about Lynch not conforming to my notions of what normalcy are, I'd just bitch about Lost Highway making no fucking sense again.

Sure, Lopez only won because Mannarino had to retire, but eunuch out a victory any way you can.

Thanks to this scandal, the Patriots find themselves under intense scrotiny. Belichick could end up getting the sack.

Typical Post with its sensationalist, tawdry and misleading front page.