I should probably pay more attention to this stuff but I just can't. I can never remember the name of the scientology leader either. It all just seems like noise.

Technically Getty pulled it off, but it was at Kanye's request, but it's all for naught because it lives on in posts like this one.

I was rushing here to make a joke less than one third as funny as this one. Thanks for saving me from myself.

That may be more a reflection of how far right the middle has strayed.

I LOVE this idea. Instead of screen and reject, screen and redirect them into a place where all the men pretending to be women are interacting with only other men pretending to be women. It's like a surreal MMORPG. You are a devious genius and I salute and admire you.

You missed the joke and responded by telling me I missed a joke. That's called "irony," for next time you're googling things.

That's his face, not his navel. Also, your namesake was a terrible quarterback.

I keep coming back to read this again and chuckle more. Thank you.

"Be friends" seems like the simplest, most basic item on the list. But it might be the most transformative. I'm constantly disappointed how few men I know understand that the women who are my friends are not women I'm secretly trying to seduce.

Some guys can't stand any social media comment that diminishes penis size.

You type quite well with those hooves. Or are you using the pointy horn? Or is the tail more prehensile than we've realized? Because if unicorns can go grasping things with their tails, none of us stand a chance.

Hmm. I don't agree, but to each his own.

Does the motivation matter more than the outcome of the act itself?

A basketball player came up totally clutch in a big spot. And Mitchell made a great basket.

You find it easier to see it as a malicious act?

I'm older than you, so mine goes more "MacFarlane? You mean the guy who created Spawn? No? Some other guy?" Then I watched a few minutes of Family Guy, got bored, stopped, and forgot about him until last year when he was somehow everywhere again.

This entire commentary is compelling and important and I thank you. But I most especially want to thank you now, and apologize in advance for stealing, the line, "allow me to point at the fucking library," a retort I'm afraid I'll need to use far too often. Well done.

yeah, that didn't make sense. I'm not sure what technique other people use, but when I'm depositing feces into a toilet, I'm usually sitting on said toilet. If it can support my weight, even just for that short duration, how much, uh, product has to be in that bowl to put more stress on it than that?

Somewhere, "Mama Grizzly" Palin is outraged.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "winning the sport." Could you explain that?