If we had a compatriot more clever than the 2 of us, she could loop in how the inhabitants of both those places really live in the magical land of Friendzone.

While I appreciate the sentiment, let's reconsider your phrasing. "Snatch her up" means something totally different to people at Notre Dame.

"Barbielike vagina" sounds an awful lot like "childlike vagina" to me. I recognize that my personal preferences aren't of interest to anyone. But no woman should feel like the transition from girl to woman diminished her somehow.

Perfect answer.

It makes me uncomfortable when you say "look at this asshole" and then describe your asshole as "cocky looking." This isn't a private forum.

While I'm overcome with all the cute posted here, I'm still partial to baby humans. Their attention is the most worth winning. And each one is a chance to help nurture an awesome young person who could very well tip the balance of society more in the favor of thoughtfulness and mirth.

Any cynical reaction I was having to this entire issue was just obliterated by my pleasure in reading "there's a hole in the bottom of my pocket where I keep all my fucks." Thank you for that turn of phrase.

Her sideline required her to compromise her principles, consort with people she might not choose to spend time with, consistently and convincingly put on a fake show of enthusiasm, and appear to be good at something that most people do very very badly. But her other job was porn.

It was contagious. And there was no...hmmm...what's that thing that stops contagion from spreading...

Of course there's institutional sympathy for Te'o. As far as Notre Dame is concerned, all women are fake people.

I'm reasonably sure Trump is a hoax and we've all been catfished for years.

"...Was Being A Huge Asshole"

Let it go, Manti. The story's broken.

Let's really get to the heart of the matter. If 1 kid = not really a mom, then have we mistakenly granted MILF status to undeserving women? These things need to be resolved.

He talks about these people as though their heads were detachable. Which is only possible at O'Hare Airport.

If you're looking for documentation of a certain Hawaiian, you're supposed to ask Donald Trump.

It's not a stupid question, it's been well answered by my corepliers here. But a better question is how can we get all these amped-up men to go limp.

Maybe we should speak these gentlemen's own language to them and rename the town "Friendzone."

I expect you'd have an influx of men, which would briefly return the situation to a state of equilibrium...but as said influx continued, you'd end up with Williston, ND again.

I'd love to see the average tuition at the FBS schools. I suspect it's a mite greater than $13,628.