I'ma put non-newtonian fluids all over my face and see if that works.

Man, I love this shit.

NO. He's always been like everyone's awesome, smart, sweet Uncle Joe to me, and he always will be. Every time he does anything: "Uncle Joe!" The Big Fucking Deal comment? OH UNCLE JOE. The whip crack that was him in the Veep debates? DON'T FUCK WITH UNCLE JOE. I adore him.

JUNE 6th!!! Just did the Happy Jesus Arms in my office! So excited!

I really admire you for this, honestly. I give too many shits, but pretend that I don't give any.

I *wish* I worked in a place that valued my brain. I don't get taken seriously without makeup on. I get asked, "Are you feeling ok? You look sick!" if I don't wear it, and I don't even wear that much! I do my eyes, and wear a tinted balm. On weekends, if I put mascara on, it's a huge deal. Weekends are my makeup-free…

Basic Stitches

2) MY HEART. *TWIST* THE FEELS.

Oh my god, thank you. I saw the first episode and almost threw the goddamn remote. "THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH!? NO. JUST NO."

Even better :D

I hope this doesn't come off as offensive or condescending, but that greeting is adorable and so sweet, and I want to greet everyone like that.

They can't literally kiss my ass, they'd need lips for that.

Not to mention that you have several organs designed for "cleansing" (read: filtration) already. And the weight you lose from just drinking juice will come back as soon as you eat regular food again...but hey, to each their own.

YES.

There are so many things that cannot be adequately expressed without using the word "Fuck", at least to me. It's a major part of my vocabulary, and the quick-and-dirty way for me to relieve immediate stress. "Goddamn it" comes in second, but it has to be used right.

Love Caitlin Doughty. Fun fact: choose 0.5 as the playback speed, and it sounds like talking about death with a smart drunk friend!

But fish goes well with tacos, the most versatile fruit.

Aaaahhh you beat me to it.

I react the same when I find out someone at the last cookies but put the box away empty.