I thought everyone was already using rotisserie chicken for it. It sure as hell beats the folks who go canned.

Just what the world needed, an annex to Ennis’ worst work*

Not having read your review yet, I’m perplexed on why this episode received such a low grade. I was seriously laughing for 30 minutes!

What’s important to me is the heat. I like the little bit of melted cream cheese nearest the surface of the bread. Toasting is the best way to achieve this after the bagel has cooled since, done properly, it doesn’t kill the rest of the texture like sticking it in a microwave.

I knew a “proud New Yorker” in a previous job. I coined the phrase “urban bumpkin” to describe her.

First off, what is your toaster that you can dry out the inside of a bagel with a quick toast?

It’s okay how wrong you are.

Why is New York, the largest city in the nation, so god damned provincial all the time?

You’re not supposed to wait for the popping to stop, you’re just supposed to wait for it to slow down. If you try to pop every kernel, you’re gonna burn every kernel.

Because the texture of a toasted bagel is still 98% the texture of an untoasted bagel, with a little bit of crisp in between the cream cheese and the bagel that some people find texturally pleasing? A bagel doesn’t taste like regular bread, nor does a toasted bagel have anything remotely resembling the texture of…

Ya I am confused too..I think Orville Redenbacher is byyyy far the best microwavable bag. Like noticeably better. It’s the only kind I want now. Especially compared to something like Pop Secret.

From the article:

If it’s literally five minutes, no

How would you get charged a fee for a no show at a restaurant? I mean maybe certain extra fancy restaurants or for a large party in advance. 

It’s easier to just not go out on Saturday night. Going out on weeknights rules.

Divide it in half. Divide each half in half. Divide the remaining pieces into thirds. They’re tarts, not powder charges.

I say this about a lot of things, but if you can’t hear the term “fettuccine sauce” without losing your shit, you simply don’t belong in the service industry. Go work data entry, construction, janitorial, etc.

Boooooo!  Bad idea.  It’s funny.  Plus they’d probably replace it with more “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” interviews.  You want that?  Because that’s how you get more of those interviews.

(Tobacco is not a vegetable)

How is this not cross-posted on The Root?