I can’t understand what he’s saying :( I know the individual words, because they’re easy words, but I don’t understand how they come together as a sentence, the narrative thread I’m supposed to follow...

You left out the part where the remaining shreds of irony died:

Oh what a fucking twat.

I live in Chicago. People from the flyover states just assume that I am murdered on a weekly basis.

Republican in the front, skinhead in the back.

Yes because there isn’t more than enough evidence to arrive at that conclusion.

Yes, yes, 1000x yes. That shit was comedy GOLD

Ok but I feel like The Carlton is so bad it has circled all the way back around to awesome...

One of my 10th graders walked into my room this morning, beaming. “We’re gonna have a Black princess, y’all!”

Wait....do white people not buy their oils from either:

It all makes sense now. Just the other day i was approached by andindividual claiming to work for Ubisoft who offered me a large amount of money to advertise Assassins Creed Origins on various gaming sites.

between Sephora and Usher, herpes is having a real break out moment.

“By coordinating and creating a vision and creating an atmosphere where the synergies work”

HELL IS REAL!

I don’t have even the foggiest clue what conditions are best for planting a gummi bear tree.

I’m not really on board with insulting and shaming every employee that worked for this company. I work for an organization with 12,000 employees. The number who have any real interaction with our head is vanishingly small. And even if I knew he had a terrible temper and/or had affairs, I wouldn’t quit my job. I’m…

Thanks, I am Pretty Cool

I think we both know that the right answer for Desmond is for his dad to use his Q powers to bring him back.

This is how I feel about all the helpful white commenters on The Root.