Most dudes go home and beat off after pretty much any encounter with a female. I've been flying half-mast all day since the drive-thru lady asked if I wanted a receipt.

Riley Cooper now has one less teammate he will fight

My life's the same as before, but now I have a huge, bushy mustache on my face.

It's a video of Dez Bryant flying MH370 to Kazakhstan, just like Jeff Wise said.

It's a video of Dez destroying the Ray Rice tape that was sent to Roger Goodell.

It would be a hell of a catch if you guys can secure it.

The original tagging of him was "pitiful." Olbermann has attacked PSU, alums, and students for supporting and celebrating a man who de facto condoned child rape.

Penn State's students continue to embarass themselves, Deadspin posts articles to that effect often. All universities have student bodies that raise huge amounts of money for charities, found charities, solve the world's problems, etc. That's not an achievement, that's what the youth of the world is expected to do…

Eh, this is really just a rhythmic slap on the wrist.

"He probably shouldn't have taken his brother's bike."

+ 3/5

"Wow I'm surprised Jefferson could even get up, given his age."

I wasn't popular in high school. This was long before the days I could walk up to a random chick and say, "You're with me, leather." I was just Chris Berman, painfully shy 17-year-old virgin. Well, as luck would have it, a girl transferred into our school mid-semester. I could tell she was desperate to be liked. And…

He's been in training since he was just a kid.

He's not dead; he's just ground beef.

The cow is perfectly fine. He was checked out on the sidelines and was back in the next series.

I think they put a white guy on there to remind everyone it's not a leap year.

The Browns understand the potential consequences of exploiting this loophole, but a high-ranking team executive said that, "it's worth taking a shot".

Now Deadspin has a funny guy who tries to talk punting and a punting guy who tries to talk funny.

Bet they put a bounty on that third wife.