"For the bio-physics on slow but respectable finishes, let's turn to special Deadspin correspondent, Stephen Hawking. Hi-ya Steve!"

This is similar to the Chinese National Zoo in Beijing which, regardless of the outcome of the races, will be labeling their baby cheetahs, "Tyson"

I'd be lying if I said I had heard about Smashing Pumpkins before my cousin raved about the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album when I was like 9. I'd be covering it up to preserve my rich legacy of music knowledge if I said I respected them before I played this song on Guitar Hero. Either way, great…

This kid is really going to have trouble explaining this to his future wife someday. It can't be easy to tell a girl you're from Oakland.

/throws away collector's edition of Joe-Parappa the Rappa

Wishful thinking, Roddy. Great program? Sure. But raping kids is against the law.

Lindsey Lohan's future children also figure to be born sponsored.

NYRA managed to do this with wayyyy less Mexicans and no drugs at all.*

Sara Ganim has traced the source of Rollins' grade 2 groin strain to State College, PA.

Pictured (L to R):Blimp, Good year, official sponsor.

Haha yes

Just another reason for Schilling supporters to complain about a FACKIN' ARRA.

Ever since he left the Atlanta area, Francoeur has treated his Gold Club withdrawal by throwing money at just about everything with a D cup.

Cowley could not be reached Tuesday.

Buzz. Dash Bennett here. Mind grabbing my silver South Pole jacket while you're at HQ? I left it on the cabinets underneath one of those orange boxes Denton uses to transmit his thoughts into our heads. Thanks.

Buzz, does the multi-ring on the pinky have some sort of BDSM purpose? Also, do you find those sunglasses to be the best for shagging low hanging fruit?

Holy Shit.

Was "Let Boobie spin," an actual quote? Because kids have been shouting that shit on the sidelines for years now.

Not on the roster, sure, but this might be the best way to make a LeGrand entrance.

Once a Gunnar, always a Gunnar.