Compared to the torture of living in a post-NFL body, $400k per year is probably not good enough.

Do you really think that baseball has anything close to the massive personal health and cultural violence problem that makes football so loathsome? Get outta town.

I'm glad you appreciate the joy, emotion and drama each Sunday for a few months a year. Those players who are coached and taught it's a worthwhile pursuit to engage in an activity that is proven to be massively and spectacularly hazardous to their health because it is MANLY are real heroes, they are.

I mean this seriously: is there any shred of dignity left to defend the existence, period, of football as a sport? It's terminally sick; any rational person can see it.

Certainly not thinking or good writing, either, champ.

1. All edible fruits

In light of the reports about War Machine allegedly beating girlfriend Christy Mack, would you say that there are a lot of professional fighters who are unable to keep their capacities for fighting inside the Octagon? Are there enough outlets supplied by your sport to help fighters keep from doing violence to others?

"Alrighty, pretty simple y'all. Just don't cheat, don't do pot or coke more'n once, attend twice-daily Bible Study each day of every tournament, and be sure to sign this 'Obama is Hitler' flag that we're donatinh to the Republican Party of Tuscaloosa annual golf outing. Thanks very much and welcome to the PGA Tour!"

"Umm, I don't see a cat in any of those pictures..."

I see, so some nogxious fumes led to an eggsplosio—

Wow, I hope that didn't taint the ump's judgment the rest of the game.

So in essence, what you propose doing with chicken salad is to make a chicken salad salad. That's some heavy shit, commendatore.

"The unexamined prostate is not worth branding."

Collectives, ranked:

Sordidness begets sordidness. What I glean from this is that they all pretty much deserve each other.

"Suarez and Chiellini Go After A Pass In The Italian End. What Happens Next Is Delicious."

"And Wie caaaaan't stop./And Wie woooooon't stop..."

A standard caipirinha doesn't strike me as terribly "weird-ass." Leite de onça ("Jaguar's milk), however, seems weirder (but still appetizing; I may make one this weekend): cachaça, milk, chocolate liqueur and evaporated milk.

[waves penis at unsuspecting younger woman]

[reads email of the week]