“Hey, can you cover my bald spot with something incredibly embarrassing that can make me appear more racist?”

Terry Francona: [dials room service] You have anything you could send up that’s ice-cold?

Sounds good in theory. Unfortunately for Joe, I just don’t think they’ll be enough time to get it up and running before an overtaxed Chapman blows the World Series clinching save tonight.

To be fair, he went costume shopping with a friend and it was buy one, get one half off.

Pence: [shows up to party event wearing “Vote Pedro” t-shirt]

I just found it funny that the guy thought it was necessary to write “Brady’s Dildo” on it. I mean how many other Patriots are bringing their own dildos to the game, Tom?

The lines at the bar appear to be a lot longer than they were at the last Cubs World Series viewing party. I guess segregation wasn’t all bad.

To be fair, the 76ers aren’t used to seeing anyone on their court that actually matters.

“We interrupt this episode of SpongeBob SquarePants to bring you UConn vs UCF: The ConFLiCT.”

And that list only includes pitchers. If you’re looking for the coolest Hall-of-Famer, you should check out Ted Williams.

More like Andrew Bigot, amirite???

Using a bunch of stuffed animals left all over the place as motivation to beat someone was actually Adrian Peterson’s idea.

“We show it at the beginning of every game. We walk all the way from the locker room out onto the field without letting the other team score. The problem is that they make us play a whole entire football game after that.”

He obviously stole that idea from his old teammates. The Panthers secondary has been going for fake pumps and getting toasted on the field all year.

Lacy: I’m not fat! There’s just more of me to tackle.

The Rangers reserved the naming rights to the stadium so that after they complete this horrendous deal they can appropriately call it Chan Ho Park.

Luckily, most former wrestlers are able to spend their retirement years resting in peace.

I bet he didn’t see that happening again.

I know some people think it’s a complete waste of time for Kaepernick to stand up there and talk about something that pretty much everyone agrees is terrible. Especially when there’s nothing he can really do to change it. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have to answer questions about the 49ers.

At this point the Colts should probably just tank the season and hope they finally get lucky enough to find a franchise quarterback in the draft.