“Newaccount421” ...

“Sure, I talk about babies and I go to jail.”

Uh... Good one? It makes no sense, but I’m sure you’re chuckling contently. Italians are in the ice business? I’m Italian? New York isn’t diverse?

Right on cue! You're textbook Masshole. Bravo, Murph. Go hang some more drywall.

Well, since you want to talk about the past and not Boston’s hilarious seasons in ’14 and ’15 ...

But the U.S. average includes women, who as a group drive less and take fewer risks in general. The better comparison, as I wrote, is NFL players and the rest of the male population.

With that said, I agree that someone making millions has even less of an excuse to drive drunk. Hire a goddamn driver.

I’m a Yankee fan, and I accept the same thing about my fellow Yankee fans. Hell, it’s true of sports fans in general—but our two fan bases are especially dickheadish.

Well, that certainly proves that Red Sox fans aren’t dickheads!

“So here’s some dickhead, wearing a Red Sox cap.”

I have a dark complexion for a white guy (half Italian) so I luckily don’t have to worry about hats. Having a shaved and tan head is great. I’ve also been shaving my head for almost 20 years, so it’s pretty much permanently tanned. Even in winter, I never look like a Nazi.

Gross uniforms? I mean, sure, Jacksonville’s, but Carolina’s baby blues are among the best in the NFL. Come on, Barry!

Yeah, NYC sucks. Which is proven by our lack of tourism and plentiful housing due to the fact that no one wants to live here. I mean, they’re just giving apartments away.

“I think there are better sports examples.”

What am I missing? The fans of a team that's won three of the past five World Series knows what it feels like to get punched in the grapes?

Church, eh? Do you also still believe in Santa?

Where’d you hear that? Carrying only two QBs would be a first.

So who's their third-string QB now?

Reached for comment, a completely bald Kurtzke could only say of his time in Washington:

They call them scalpers to honor them.