Only thing missing was the Clint Eastwood voiceover. "America's about hard work, rollin' up your sleeves, and comin' on her chest.

Deadspin commenters are the fucking worst.

Go eat a bag of dicks.

Since Mesopotamia.

Who did it?

Balls are marked with official's identifying symbol (like initials or the like) during inspection. Are you telling me they forged those onto the balls?

"BOOMSHAKALAKA!"

Don't tell me how to do my mom

Did you say "Abe Lincoln."?

Attorney: Mr. Benson, your children Renee, Rita and Ryan have filed a lawsuit challenging the change in your will to leave the majority of your finances and holdings to your wife Gayle.

The fact that balls are a synonym for testicles is also not the issue - but it's extremely important that we discuss it whenever possible.

Ian O'Connor says it perfectly in an espn article: "This isn't about whether the Patriots needed to cheat. This is only about whether they did cheat." So stop with the mentioning of the bullshit argument it wouldn't have mattered. That is not the issue.

"I can't tell. Why don't you take a glans?"

One of the greatest parts of my job are the days when Tommy Craggs, in a flurry of excitement, runs over to me and says something like, "Hey Cooke, can you draw Derek Jeter getting his ass eaten out?" or, "Hey Cooke, can you draw a quick dong on the new Cubs mascot?"

First world (sports) problems.

Dude, shut the fuck up.

The statistical programming software

Thank God, ReforMatt, where I go for all my Native American information.

No Piggy Poop Balls = Illegitimate Hall of Fame