I mean honestly I'm still waiting on my Hogwarts letter. I think it just got lost in the mail for 12 years.

I hope their hate will keep them warm this long, cold winter. Also,

Bbbut - it's about ethics in mayonnaise journalism.

My parents were both in the Navy, and cream chipped beef on toast, "SOS," or at its most colorful, "shit on a shingle," is a military staple. When my parents were young and poor, we saw it often at dinner. Gods how I hated that stuff! But Spam, another staple, was even worse...

At the same time, it's how they both wanted their steak served. I guess there really is someone for everyone out there.

I was behind someone in Golden Corral (I was a kid, no choice in the matter) and the guy in front of us tried to tell the server that he wanted his steak raw, not rare, but it was OK because he was a vampire.
They refused. #vampireseatgoldencorraltoo

Did anyone check if those steak people were werewolves? Did they ask if the silverware was stainless steel? I wouldn't go out on a full mo0n around that city.

A couple of years ago I went to the beach with a couple of my girlfriends. It was Memorial Day weekend, and one friend invited on short notice the guy she had been messaging on EHarmony. No biggie. He was nice, and funny, and not an axe murderer.

GROAN.

Ooh! I got 20 bucks on "he demands crazy shit in the bedroom" or "abusive in jeebus's name"!

Didn't they already make a Christian S&M movie called The Passion of the Christ?

Christian interpretation of Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Clearly, we're picking a fight with Fifty Shades. We're not only picking a fight, we're picking a fight with the schoolground bully, likely to get our nose busted in two.

Oh, FFS, it a damned courtship film. That's exactly the same BS the Duggars and fundamentalist Christians are buying into. No kissing, often no physical contact at all (the Duggars allowed side hugs; a lot of these courtship believers don't even allow that), parents have the final decision, etc.

Didn't we already have the old fashioned version of 50 Shades of Grey, better known as Twilight? Wasn't the whole point of 50 Shades of Grey that it was the smutty version of Twilight's must wait til marriage before they can have sex, so get married at 19, and must have baby even though you could die thing?

FUCK YOU STUPID FUNDAMENTALISTS, STOP MAKING MY RELIGION LOOK LIKE IT'S FOR INSIPID, NARROW-MINDED IDIOTS.

Oh jeez. Is 50 Shades even a romance? I haven't read it but my understanding was that it's a Stockholm Syndrome story.

Apparently the creator of our unfathomably vast cosmos is deeply obsessed with what we do with our genitals, and whether we say the right magic words beforehand. He allegedly created an entire realm of torture for people he doesn't like.

they just need to work the Christian bit in about how men are the leaders of the family, wives must submit to the yoke, and it's pretty much the exact same movie. I mean isn't there a whole evangelical movement around spanking your wife being loving, godly leadership?