This move is my favorite.

Pretty much.

One of my brother's coworkers was a total weirdo who got a Russian bride. He went around the office passing out invitations to her welcome to America party. He even used American flag clipart in the design, and I was like "We are GOING to this party." I met her, and she seemed equally strange and just as physically…

The intensity, it is too much.

Just sucked all the joy out of this morning's Dirt Bag. This is really starting my day off on the wrong foot.

DOOONNN'T GOOOOOOO

Your dog kind of looks like mine after he tried to eat a bumblebee and got stung in the lips.

I thought he was throwing up gang signs, ironically. Barf.

The trope of the 98 pound weakling's been around for quite a while. I guess it's just the cutoff where sand gets kicked in your face.

On the other hand, what would the photog want more than pictures of him acting crazy and waving a gun around? If he had called 911 and waited for the cops, whatever pictures she took of his shitty cabin would be worthless in comparison.

The non-rocking Tommy Lee has been in this long series of commercials where he plays an alien secretly observing people's lives. Here's a translation. The dog is supposed to be the black dude's dad.

That's a more shocking picture, her being so wasted in public. If the shot of Zac Efron shows him passed out in a pile of pills with a bunch of lines cut up next to him, that's one thing. Otherwise, it's just a candid, unflattering picture of a person sleeping in a hotel room.

Yeah, I was all GET HIM, TOMMY . . . oh, nevermind.

Is a passed-out photo so valuable? I mean, if it showed him actually doing drugs, then yeah. Otherwise, if it's just a picture of him looking fucked up and asleep then I don't know. He's so naturally good-looking that his binge pictures probably aren't even that bad — certainly less ghastly than I look taking a nap.

I'm no fan of the prison industrial complex, but this guy annoys the shit out of me. He got busted dead to rights selling more than enough meth and heroin to send anyone else to prison for life. Of course, he gets a sweetheart deal that he promptly fucks up in the dumbest possible way, nearly doubling his sentence. …

I think it's fine to crack on K-Fed for being vaguely stupid. Not as much humor in Brit-Brit's dead eyed Alzheimer's patient routine.

Just don't try to screw with Two and a Half Men playing in the background. Such an unpleasant experience.