I used to love pretty much all the old LucasArts games. Monkey Island, Indiana Jones, Full Throttle, whatever.

For sooth. You speak the, uh, truth.

Yeah! I remember it now because my mom thought he was way swoony, but then would just hate-read People magazine about him and publicly announce that she was on Emma Thompson's side.

I was thinking about Gordon Ramsey specifically in relation to this case, and I figured that one difference between him and Deen is that in all the times he's been sued, he's never made such foolish statements under oath.

I think that's Emma Thompson you're thinking of. Now THAT was a split worthy of the name.

Here's my worthless speculation: The leaking of the deposition comes as a complete surprise, though she should have expected it. There's a major negative reaction, which she's similarly caught off guard by. Still confident, she tells Food Network and Matt Lauer that she's coming to NYC to clear everything up, but…

Remember Paris Hilton's ridiculous menagerie? He's heading in the same direction.

I thought they only fired her because she so badly bungled her apology. I bet if they sensed the wind was blowing in the other direction, they wouldn't have had a problem keeping her on.

Forget the Paula Deen PR team being shitty, cause I just want to know who the fuck was supposed to be managing the legal disaster that led to all this. I'm just saying, people get sued all the time without managing to make multiple career ending admissions. Was that part of an actual strategy that she paid someone…

A while ago, I even wrote a post over in Groupthink about it featuring his many looks.

More tragically, I can no longer enjoy images of her riding things.

I can't help but love him too, in spite of the horrible miscarriages of justice that take place in his courtroom.

What it looks like to me is totally photoshopped. Anyone else think the picture on the right doesn't even seem like reality?

For potato crime, there is only Potato Judge, and his verdict is GEEEEEELLLLLTTYY!!!

People just ain't got no love for congenital analgesia.

I'm a promoter of the people for the people and by the people and my magic lies in my people ties. I'm a promoter of America. I'm American people. You know what I mean? So therefore, uh, do not send for who the bell tolls 'cause the bell tolls for thee.

I prefer the Don King style of upping your word power, where you commit a bunch of Shakespeare to memory and use it to belittle rival fight promoters.

Eating with the hands is traditional there as well. You'd think it's the perfect storm for grease-stained dinginess everywhere, but the opposite seems to be true. It is a mystery.

I was like shit, that is one HELL of a glass house you're living in, Drizzy.

I think he's giving you a preview of some of the amazing metaphors to be featured in his upcoming album. A lot of similes get generated for songwriting purposes, and I think he's so childishly proud of them that he tries to work them in when he can.