All I can say is that in my family, we express affection through meaningful nods.

Has anyone seen those Foot Locker commercials featuring Kris Humphries? I'll be damned, but successfully executed self-deprecating humor makes a person much more likeable in my eyes.

No, thank Marco Rubio for the sip heard round the world. I especially love the super slow-mo version, where you can just see him like "Why? Why did I stuff myself with crackers and peanut butter right before this very important speech? I'm so thirsty!"

Mitt Romney and his wife are total Francophiles — been that way since spreading the Mormon gospel to Paris as young adults. On his pre-election Eurotrip, he could easily have addressed the reporter from Le Monde in fluent French, but no way would he ever pull a boner of that magnitude with his base.

I think we ought to administer the test to Rubio himself, only we'll make him eat like twenty saltines first and take away his little bottle of water.

Hail to my local UPS guy, because he takes the narrow, winding roads and shitty driveways like a CHAMP. He won't even bother trying to turn around, he'll just reverse the big brown truck full speed down the road, no hesitation. The FedEx guy SUCKS — he's only got a converted minivan and you'll be stuck behind him…

I was thinking this might be more of a thing for the UPS guy, since parcel delivery is a bit more glamorous, plus the uniforms are so much snappier. On the other hand, corporate delivery guys probably have ridiculous schedules to keep, so no way could they be laying up somewhere getting sex on the regular.

Also funny that the Beebs can't even get in da club because OMG underage, while Miley's been dancing across the stage for YEARS like no one knows exactly how old she is. The nightlife scene lets ridiculously, like insanely young girls beyond the velvet rope, but I guess the adolescent boys just can't get no love.

Wasn't she saying the same shit about the Hump not that long ago? With another self-centered dickhole who's palpably disinterested in her?

He was also burninmylight and, weirdly, burninginmylight for a while. I think with that one he might have lost the password to his sock account and had to make a new, slightly different version. Happens sometimes. I did a quick search to see if I could find him in the Feministe comments, but no dice.

The Jumping Pitviper, I presume?

I'm just miffed that Seatolitas apparently trolls Feministe as well. What, we aren't captivating enough here?

So, are you Kourtney, Khloe, or Kim?

Nothing compared to how I felt when Snoop Dogg (temporarily) gave it up. Don't worry about JB — he'll come back to the fold soon enough.

A while ago, Alexa Rae Joel was in the news cos of being stalked. I guess it wasn't just the usual rape and murder threats, but a lot of truly demented stuff about pedophilia as well. Her dad's loaded, so Billy hired a "European private security firm" that promptly traced the messages back to small-town Minnesota. …

I just think it's funny when the the guy they're with has his shirt on with the calf-length board shorts while they're rocking a ridiculously tiny two piece.

He'd probably do it anywhere, too. Lunch with the First Lady, and it's like Secret Service, take him out before that hand comes up with that fucking jar in it.

It's like, we feel bad for Sandy because her ex-husband Jesse James turned out to be such a slime. On the other hand, she married a guy who at minimum, has Nazi regalia just lying around for him to randomly Hitler salute in.

On the contrary, I suspect the manifest and latent content embodied in his dreams has expressed itself through his pronounced brow ridges, which indicate a deceptive nature.