Nick Loeb is killing me with the fried crunch products. Being married to such a Grade A turd would be bad enough, but he's so aggressive with the having no class thing that he might actually wreck Sofia Vergara's career.

What? The modern science of Freudian dream analysis paired with a little electroconvulsive therapy ought to cure any disorder of the mind. Or maybe he has too much blood and needs a little drained. . .

I tell you, if anything makes me put on a tricorn hat and join the Tea Party, it'll be that.

The military is fucking awesome at saddling people with insulting nicknames that stick forever, so I'm confident that this guy's peers have the situation well in hand.

I think I actually prefer Banana Slugs.

I think those are the paper plates they'll be serving the cocktail weenies on later.

No, it just looks like that because Cousin It is following closely behind her, and they have the exact same 'do.

OF COURSE Miguel did it without permission. They took one look at those little pipe cleaner legs like how the FUCK do you think you're going to clear that kind of distance? But no, Chris Brown did it that one time, and it made him a STAR, so here goes nothing. Made Simba cry, too.

Dang, congrats to JLH on being preggers. She's a funny lady, but only unintentionally, so looking forward to lots of wacky, insecure behavior.

I'm actually kind of loving this photo of Farrah, taken at Worst Nightclub Ever.

What about the awful, inedible chocolate-flavored sex paste she surely was gifted as well?

Perhaps a hint of Pygmalion.

Hands up for chili with rice. Most people act like it's weird at first, but I don't like it any other way.

Yup, that's how they find you — feet sticking up out of the freezer. Everyone snickering at your funeral. . .

I think it was always about fathers and sons. Marshall not providing for Anna Nicole in his will and disinheriting his other son ensured that the fight continued long after all of them were dead and buried.

I think Vinny is stuck on an idea I used to have as a kid. I figured that once you become President, you get access to the secret Hogwarts library or something. Like you could just go in there and be like "What's REALLY in Area 51?"

Sometimes, she whittles the future.

This is always a funny argument to me, because no legal expert would ever pick Sweden over England as a target for the US to extradite someone from. In fact, it would be easier in every way for the CIA bogeymen to pluck Assange from London as opposed to Stockholm. Swedish law prevents them from extraditing anyone…

Just out of curiosity, does the get out of jail free card work only with sexual assault, or can he commit any crime with total impunity?