I don't know. All this stuff is just reminding me how entertainment is all children, and the children are all acting their ages. There's good kids we like and bad kids we don't, but their behavior is pretty much equally immature.

The funny thing is, I think Miguel was trying to copy a performance by Chris Brown. CB's not much of a vocalist or a human being, but at least he easily cleared the fans between him and the new dancing surface. I think the tightness of his pants may also have reduced Miguel's jumping power.

Obviously, the plan is to pile as much explosive and combustible material behind you as you can, then pose into the camera as it blows up.

By statute, he's officially innocent until the moment a guilty verdict is pronounced, so he has an affirmative right to bail guaranteed by the Constitution. The judge is free to set what may be an unreachable sum, but their ability to deny it entirely is pretty limited.

Poor yellow ranger. Her power was farts.

I'd be like, uh, is there an option where I can just watch nightmare visions of my own death instead? Because that sounds much more pleasant.

Watch out James Deen, cuz Courtney's coming after you next and Doug wants to watch.

Oh no, I plan to be making wild allegations right alongside of you. I even did this one image in Paint just to unfairly accuse Gwyneth Paltrow of being a people-eating monster.

Yes! Let the bizzonkers conspiracy theories commence!

Right. In an ideal world, the story would be "Out of shape stalker drowns, washes up on Taylor Swift's beach, ruins tea party."

Twenty or thirty more years with dad is nothing compared to the billion Jaden owes Lord Xenu for his earthly success.

Sorry, job's taken, and the new copy editor's already hard at work.

I'd say their regularity is an open question. So far, they mostly just seem brass-balled and unprofessional.

Plus, it also mentions Gawker overlord Nick "The Dick" Denton's upcoming nuptials. Nice job sneaking that in there!

All those randos creeping on Katie Holmes are just trying to pull a Cash Warren. He was just a gofer on set when he hit the jackpot with Jessica Alba, and now he's full Hollywood for real. Keep reaching for the stars!

Tabloids LOVE estranged parents, because they can get an actual quote from an immediate family member that they don't have to attribute to an unnamed source. Since there's a usually a pretty good reason for the estrangement, the parents are only too happy to shoot their mouths off.

Her dad's already famous for being a creep, and no way can she pin that on Nick Lachey. Besides, I think the statute of limitations for protecting handsy former in-laws is long expired.

Womp womp. That is QUITE the picture there.

God, I hope not. I did this picture in Paint this morning, and I hope to get some more mileage out of it. Her restaurant serves people! People!

Hmmmm, I wonder which of the Deadly Sins he's most typically associated with...