Maybe if my enemy was standing out on the corner with a group of people I'd be able to rationalize firing wildly at them, like they were probably involved in whatever I was mad about in the first place. What I absolutely can't understand is straight opening fire on a damn MOTHER'S DAY PARADE. That picture really…

So good!

Since Beyonce would never have a wardrobe malfunction, I wonder how much double sided tape she uses? Or maybe it's some kind of secret, high-tensile strength bonding agent pinching things up there.

I think the real story is that Goopy's pubes are like Claudia in Interview With The Vampire. She'll hack off her mountain of golden curls in a rage, only to have them grow back pretty much instantly. The Dark Gift is a curse!

They're the perfect punishment for each other.

Don't even get me started on Toilet Duck.

Yeah! And the antibiotics come in like the scrubbing bubbles!

Ha, you breaded him! You should introduce him on the Jezebel pet thread tonight! http://groupthink.jezebel.com/introduce-your…

Guess there's a reason he's such a finicky eater.

Hey, you're supposed to be commenting on YouTube. Drive up those views, butthole!

Nah, it's too central to her character for them to remove it entirely. Her official cosplayer at Disneyland carries it around as well.

So true. Pomeranians have evolved to become cute enough to override the impulse to smash them with comically oversized mallets.

My mom has a little chihuahua, and I drove them both back from a family visit a while ago. I grabbed a few oatmeal raisin cookies for the road, but I came up one goodie short on the drive as well. I dismissed it, because me eating something without any awareness of doing so is embarrassingly likely. When I pulled…

Not the Plaza Garibaldi? Damn, things really must be going downhill if tourists are being stomped to death rather than having their pockets picked.

Hey, I've got a Pomeranian that wants to be a YouTube star as well! Here's Milo hunting for grasshoppers in the back yard. Plus, I say he's cuter than this other white pom.

I think being a person wrangler for the show would be the worst job of all. Such a hassle trying to make the audition process run smoothly, plus the people you're dealing with are likely to start singing at you without warning. I don't think I could handle that all the time.

Mercury strips are awesome!

Not sure why she'd be inclined towards baby talk, either. Does she teach third grade or something?

I just like how the network is supposed to be so FURIOUS about it. Who could believe that reality stars would ask for a salary bump for the new season?

His complaint rings way true for me, though. Papa Joe seems like exactly the kind of older, mega-christian dude that passes out hearty thigh squeezes under the tablecloth.