I think I'd just like to go there and pretend I was WALL-E, and I'd trundle around and set things up and make robot noises. Bleep bloop blop. Mission Control would be like "God damn it, ten minutes on Mars and already a lunatic."

"That's the answer to the riddle. Because that's what an 8000 pound bengal cat thinks about. About freedom. About the deep blue sea."

Those stupid commercials. Because of them, I now call running out of tomatoes "a medical condition known as 'Low T.'"

I teach the big ones gun safety, and the big ones teach the little ones, but no one taught me, so the whole thing is just an exercise in futility.

Yeah, she didn't magically become uncrazy, they just stopped letting her out in public anymore. I wonder if there's any Sam Lufti behind the scenes with Amanda Bynes — some unambiguously malign influence feeding her pills and making everything worse. If I'm not mistaken, Britney's still under conservatorship to keep…

Tila Tequila is a high functioning crazy person, like how Charlie Sheen's kept his drug and porno addictions on an even keel for years. I guess Amanda Bynes can either snap out of it like Britney Spears or be like TT and make the ongoing mental breakdown a more or less permanent affair.

Your chili sounds better than mine. I'm pretty proud of it, but I doubt it would win any cookoffs. I'm all about mucho beans as well, and I even eat it with rice. Is that weird? Does anyone else do that?

I watched The Rescuers again for the first time in many years, and I found Madame Medusa HIGHLY entertaining.

One of the reasons I like Aku from Samurai Jack so much.

Wow, that was some pretty stunning gossip, direct from an "NBC insider" about Kanye musical guesting on SNL. Apparently, those crazy writers are out there pushing the envelope again with their "hilarious and spot-on" seat of the pants comedy. Will their Kim K jokes offend her notoriously prickly paramour? The only…

Oh, dear god, PLEASE let Jennifer Love Hewitt be a judge on X Factor. Then, please oh please let her perform a jaw-droppingly disastrous musical number. I would die.

It's missing the Cobra insignia, though.

And Princess Lolly will be sucking on one suggestively.

She kind of reminds me of the video for "Splash Waterfalls," featuring Ludacris as the genie of love soaring through the clouds with an airbrushed hat.

Yeah, well, Lord Licorice got deported from Saudi Arabia for being too handsome.

I say fundoshi!

Stolen from the Simpsons, like most everything else I say.

What about all those poor banal people who aren't harming anyone? What of the terrible slur leveled at the merely boring?

I think evil has Asperger's syndrome. Social cues are a mystery, and it truly doesn't understand how White Pride is any different from Gay Pride.

Looks like the Dog the Bounty Hunter feather to me.