Too late. It's already on her Permanent Record!

I don't believe for a second that Kim K won't be treating us to a naked pregnant photoshoot. The only question is if it it'll feature naked Kanye as well.

You can always trust them not to flake at the last minute, but it's not like you ever make plans with them you're actually excited about anyway.

No, they're the wingmen, obvs. You know the falcon on the wrist is a total panty dropper.

If the Dump is beefing with someone, he'll ignore whatever issue they were arguing about in favor of attacking them in some disgusting way that makes him look awful. It's like this total ecstasy of crapulence when he has an audience and a woman whose weight and looks he can dissect.

I remember when Charlie Sheen was beefing with Chuck Lorre, he made a point of referring to him as "Chaim Levine." Birds of a feather and all.

Stephen Huvane, Hollywood mega agent, reps Goopy, Anne Hathaway, AND Jen Aniston. Coincidence?

I always get the feeling that those teeth coming at you might be the last thing you ever see.

Is your Genesis Device powered by the right kind of human souls? The Yanomami people are delightfully untouched by modern civilization, and their relative simplicity makes it easy to trick them into demonic bargains!

I think "real life" for Goopy is so divorced from ordinary reality that the phrase has lost all meaning.

I don't understand why celebs choose to participate in such things. It sounds genuinely sucky for them, and everyone else just rolls their eyes at this latest obnoxious bandwagon in Hollywood. Cue the paparazzi catching sight of some pretty egregious cheating.

Right. It's like, go ahead and be irritated at him for blowing off the question with a lazy, egocentric answer, but he actually did the opposite of what's being claimed.

I checked out the before and after hairdos of Britney Spears' ex agent/fiancee/mental health orderly, and it looks like he went from the Kevin Costner to the Jason Sudeikis — both of which look like shit.

Haha, dying over here.

Well, shit, now they HAVE to either split up or get married right away. Snoop Lion has spoken!

The Big D — you can say it

Wow. Boob bullseye for KD.

So . . . you're arguing that la Lohan's behavior, as described, couldn't be accurate because a sensible person in a similar situation would've acted differently? I wouldn't be surprised if she's as sloppy and wrongheaded about doing coke as she is everything else.

Yep. Evil twin men get facial hair, and the women go brunette. I saw the first G.I. Joe movie, to my shame, and Tatum Tot's sweet blonde girlfriend transformed into the Baroness with a dye job and a tight leather outfit.

Poor Sharon Osbourne. You confess ONE little murder in a moment of weakness, and your husband never lets you forget about it. Every time Ozzy catches her giving him a cold, appraising look, he just goes paranoid thinking he'll be next.