Is the next hot new trend offering your date a relaxing scalp massage to surreptitiously compile their phrenology chart?

Well, he’s right about one thing. He IS deeply disturbed.

I’m pretty sure the title of this one is “That’s okay. It happens to every guy once in a while. We’ll try again later when you’re not so stressed.”

Have you not seen her Instagram? She makes those Jenner girls look like demure Calvinists.

Her breasts. He commented on her breasts. In a televised interview. When she was a TODDLER.

Just hanging’ with her dog.

It was the peak of the Acid House scene and I went to/worked in a lot of floating clubs filled with gay art students. Trust me, kids. Drugs & fun-fur don’t mix.

As someone who partied in 1989, I seem to remember it involved a lot of ketamine blackouts, speed addiction and HIV diagnoses.

She’s channelling every gay club song from 2009.

Lack of functioning restrooms?

And there was also that whole creepy “kissing bandit” thing when Lee Pace was a guest a couple years ago.

Fun fact: Paternity leave is frequently used to lift some of the burden of infant care off the woman who just had “a screaming, 8 to 10 pound parasite tear its way out of” her genitals. Paternity leave is designed to make things easier and healthier for a new mother.

A huge part of the reason Emilio Estevez “did fine” with an ethnic name was because he had a highly successful father named Martin Sheen and grew up with tons of industry connections. Oh, and he didn’t visibly read as “ethnic” as his father & brother.

Short answer: All of them.

Seriously? It turned out pretty okay for Abraham. Jacob did pretty well for himself. Solomon’s problems weren’t caused by polygamy itself but rather by choosing women outside the tribe. Elkanah did just fine. And the rules regarding marriage and inheritance in Deuteronomy are pretty clear that marriage was designed to…

Or a man and his daughters when he’s blackout drunk and they want to get pregnant. (Gen. 19:30-38)

As someone who has had the flu a good number of times in my life, it has never occurred to me that the best possible choice was putting on white leggings and dancing vigorously.

I don’t know but I’d like it if we could make her do it somewhere else.

You mean the sort of victim-blaming language she has chosen to repeatedly use in these song lyrics?

Except in that case it turned out the dingo really did eat her baby.