She ain't got time to bleed.

Because no one but you wants to watch your unathletic kid row a fucking boat.

I hear so many stories of people screwed up terribly by the JWs. Kudos for having the good sense to get away. Also - my mom is a narcissist too. So I feel ya, and I feel ya. (I recently quit her too, but that's another story...)

I was working at a store on a retail strip and the guy that ran the obnoxious high end music store down the street came in to by something. My buddy rang him up at the cash register and the dude made some small talk that seemed a bit overly familiar. My friend just went with it for a bit but then the guy asked a…

Bill Simmons argues (stay with me) that you should judge moves by how opposing fans react.

Many people between 20 and 40 grew up watching the Shaqobe Lakers absolutely dominate the league. On top of the whole Hollywood, Showtime, storied history and massively entitled top tier city thing, Shaq played an extremely ugly and distasteful style of bully ball, and it probably didn't help that so many of his high…

Well, I for one applaud the NFL for finally taking a clear, aggressive, no-nonsense stand against bad PR. It is clear that the league will no longer tolerate actions by players that cause sponsors to threaten cutting business ties. Children, wives, and girlfriends of NFL players can exhale and rest easy tonight,…

Can we just institute a rule that if you worry whether your drink/sport/hat/car/sweater/movie/life is "manly" or not then you are not manly, will never be manly, and should just stay inside your bedroom where no one else has to deal with your stupidity. This also extends to anyone who gives a shit about anything…

one ping and one ping only

has already chosen to cancel Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

You missed all of the gold that is the reviews for Haribo Sugarfree gummy bears.

I went out to a Mexican restaurant with my then girlfriend. About 5 minutes after we finish eating I start getting that getting that bloated feeling and suddenly my esophagus seemed shorter. I told my girlfriend we had to go, and we paid and left. I figured if we could get home I would be fine, and I rolled down the…

This is the greatest moment in barf history.

Yeah, totally works. I mean, our cats know perfectly well where they're not allowed to go and sure enough sheepishly leave those pieces of furniture when someone comes into the room who could enforce that...

First, a brief history of the smartphones I've owned:

Okay, background: I was a really neurotic kid / teenager. Super dramatic. I had a crush on EVERY BOY and none of them ever had a crush on me (and I do not blame them; I was SO WEIRD). I was basically Helga from Hey Arnold. Abandon hope, all boys I had a crush on as a child.

Only a couple times in my life have I asked a woman who was otherwise a stranger for her number. My romantic/sexual encounters have exclusively come through meeting a friend of a friend, and something developing from there.

Screw the family in the last story. They deserved a table by the dumpster. Had my children made fun of a person with special needs, I would have made them apologize. I then would have picked up the family's check and my children would have then had that money deducted out of their allowances until the balance was…