They must know he doesn't exist too.

[Deadspin author writes article about MLS popularity among the 3-4 year-old demographic]

Did you actually read the story?

Dear Coach Dave I feel like I can call you Coach Dave because you and me are so alike. I'd like to be on your team one day. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your…

I've heard of incentive clauses, but if he can run and catch and make plays out there, who really cares what his ass looks like?

I assume his ability to block is point 1 on his list of evidence

I remember a few years back a fake football player also made the rounds on a bunch of shows, and then the Raiders drafted him first overall.

As soon as they unveiled the new uniforms, the team received requests from over 40 players to change their number to 80085.

I hope someone eventually told Katie what it said. #bamaprobs

We can probably stop referring to him as an NFL prospect now.

Another Glen Coffee case of getting caught jacking it in a film room and disappearing from football forever?

Interviewer: Which weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of paper clips?

So....

This report will no doubt leave a large indentation on the public's view of NFL locker room culture.

As a Pistons fan I have to laugh or else I'll be consumed with crippling rage.

I am not a fan of Fantasy Baseball because the people I used to play with took it too seriously, but trolls like this are dicks.

Yes, this Olympic level athlete clearly knows nothing about how to prep before a meet...stop doing things your own way, you commie!

Choosing to dance like that, all out in the open and everything, suggests she has some serious baggage that she's bringing to the track. In luge, though, it actually helps her get down the track faster.

Pistons Are A Professional Basketball Team; Nobody Bothers To Tell The Players.

"If I were a Deadspin writer..." you'll have to work on your gramm-