Helloooooo!

I prefer to imagine that they took the tarps off for regular season games, but only in mid-January, after it stopped mattering even less than usual. “Well, we could have removed the tarps in week 14. But lets take them off for the divisional round! ...which is being played elsewhere!”

He’s not. He works for the Sabres.

Speaking from experience, they will not give that guy a raise.

I now see that I was once again thwarted by Kinja and this complaint was already well-made by several people below. I leave my rant here for posterity only, I guess.

Papa Murphy’s is possibly the most useless pizza chain in human history. For those of you fortunate enough never to have encountered one, the hook is this: you have to cook the fucking pizza yourself. Their entire business model is, essentially, “We sell frozen pizza, but not frozen, so it’s better!” And people…

I would like to thank Burneko for introducing the phrase “jump-kicked in the dick” into my life. I am going to casually drop it in conversations as much as possible for the foreseeable future.

Potential dick jump-kicking conversation starters:

It’s open to interpretation, but I’m guessing they’re doing Castlevania III, since I see what appears to be versions of three of the game’s four playable characters. (I’m not 100% on whether or not Alucard’s in there...)

Osteria, on Franklin. Walked past them on the way back from lunch. Seriously thought I hallucinated that shit.

The general consensus is that he didn’t run anything at the draft, and that Sean McDermott called all the shots. It leaked last Wednesday that the scouting staff was apparently aware that they were all about to be fired.

I’m surprised they didn’t have another ambulance on site. Most buildings I’ve been in have two on site; not because of situations like this, but because it’s unbelievably awkward to have an ambulance on site and visible that can’t be used in the event of a serious medical problem for a guest because that might stop…

Yeah, I don’t see how Bucknor getting on the PA and announcing “I actually don’t know the rules of baseball, and I was actually trying to call intentional grounding on Verlander” over and over is going to improve the game experience.

Also, it looks like you are the guy keeping NHL hockey in Arizona, so I want to give you props for that. Hang in there, man. You deserve a lot better.

And, yes, “crushingly boring” is a wild exaggeration, but... hey, Deadspin!

There are no NHL franchises in the locations you speak of.

Seriously, though: empirically, it’s lower scoring, and while we’re not quite at a pre-’05 lockout clutch-and-grab game, as a lifelong NHL fan I’m starting to get a little bit bored again. The league keeps trending that way, and it’s been like that for awhile…

To be “fair,” it sort of got overshadowed by Rasmus Ristolainen murdering Jake Guentzel a little later in the game. But even that was a questionable hip check where Guentzel lost track of the puck about a second before Ristolainen labeled him. Crosby literally hit a guy in the dick. Is there no honor?

After Tuesday night’s brutal dick-shot to Ryan O’Reilly, he wouldn’t even come out of the dressing room to meet with his family and friends. They were escorted back to meet him, which... is not how that usually works. So, he has some sense of shame. But, seriously, what the fuck is this?

I like Crosby! He plays…

I was incredibly disappointed to learn that Dr. Prospero Gogo is, in fact, a medical doctor named Prospero Gogo, and his first name is not actually Dr. I feel like he should be disqualified on those grounds, since that makes him at least 75% less ridiculous.

Just a thing about the Zelda theme that I’ve noted with its use in this game: that’s a TERRIBLE name for it, because it is totally Link’s leitmotif now. It subtly creeps into the score every time he does something really heroic. SPOILERS...

I don’t think it’s limited to the Blood Moon. I’m pretty sure the code for time-based events outside of the day/night cycle itself is badly glitched. I’ve had other stuff happen that makes no sense, like: