Fake Detective

I want to watch a buddy cop show about her and Rachel Dolezal. Rach is the tough, take-no-shit, blackface cop. She doesn’t need a gun or badge; she’s got her bow and arrow and her race card. Belle is the freewheeling hippie cop with a tragic secret: she’s dying of fake-ass cancer. Together, they must team up to fight…

Right? American journalists are way too soft on their interviewees. We need more Tara Browns.

From the time she was first born, she was always raised as being currently a 26 year old. It’s a parenting/life strategy.

As an Australian, and the daughter of a two-time cancer survivor, I hate this bitch. I hate this bitch with everything I have in me. I wish people would stop giving her airplay because even seeing her or hearing her bullshit, I cant handle any of it. I had to stop watching this interview when she gets to the part…

“I’ve always been raised as being currently a 26-year-old,”

I used to use one by Almay but it was super flakey. I’ll have to look at the others. Thanks!

Is this a prank where he tricks racists into spending money at his Mexican BBQ? Is this some next-level statement about how non-white races are overly visible because they’re marginalized, and the best way to achieve equality is to single out white people instead of allowing whiteness to invisibly permeate U.S.…

Do you feel safe?

How about:

“I’ll take a Scalia and coffee, please”

One of my college friends has been in the Neopets fandom since she was in high school. There’s lots of rumors going around but here’s what seems to be the most accepted version of events:

Hamoff? Hamon? Le Jack off?

I’m a big fan of the ‘go for it’ route. I second guess myself in some situations (should I kiss him, should I hold off? etc.) But the times I’ve given no fucks and thrown caution to the wind has paid off. You never know, it might shock him into action. Class has nothing on us, I guess. Good luck!

ADDENDUM: I should’ve probably mentioned that I was banned from the cosmetic procedure social network RealSelf while researching this article because apparently bugging CoolSculpting patients about whether they saw the fat in their poop violated the terms of service.

i just laughed out loud in the office because of the use of “smash” as a noun for shit.

“ people generally take daily dumps that weigh 1 to 4 pounds”
A 4 lb smash? For fuck’s sake. WTF did you eat?