This is the most brilliant thing I've read all year.

I am sure many women find Lark Croft to be a very empowering figure yes thank you you are good at words.

Does the fact that I just googled "Ewan McGregor penis" while at work reflect good judgment, or great judgment?

Oh just shut up. Go clutch your fake pearls somewhere else.

"I know for a fact that the defendant have a good heart and that she will come back to her senses and not forget her promise that she made to me," Hilario writes in his lawsuit, also requesting that Swift help him meet Miley Cyrus.

ALSO HIS NAME IS HILARIO. Oh god I can't get enough of this.

"Are you saying the 911 call is not real????"

That's enough internet for today. I'm out. Good bye y'all, I'll remember you all in therapy.

How is the first reference to The Wire so far down in this thread?

Seriously. 14 dead hookers in a shipping container and no one wants the case. One Ripken and every cop in a 50 mile radius is on the scene.

"I have my idea who this loser is."

This man's main concerns recently seem to be Beyonce's sexuality and women swearing. I think his constitution is far too delicate for him to want to throw his hat into the ring to be president of the US. This man need a cup of tea, a blanket, a nap and to never have a position of authority again.

If it helps, my father once looked at me over the dinner table when I was thirteen and said - entirely politely and trying to be "helpful" - that we could probably afford a nose job for me.

"seasoned clothing-optional gyration specialist." Nicely done Anna. I have a few ideas

I think you should write an article about it.

I'm going to use this as a platform to say—is anyone else mildly bothered when someone (everyone?) calls them "peppercinis", completely dropping a syllable?

JESUS that's terrifying! holy crap!

OMFG. I can't believe I forgot this one - when I was like, 15, I started shaving my pubes into shapes. Like hearts and stars. I used to outline the shape with eyeliner before I got into the shower to make sure I got it right. I wasn't even sexually active, just really ambitious with my little baby bush.

My mother decided that nothing would be prettier than a semi permanent bright red rinse in my ginger hair. So she walked in and squirted it on me WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER.