Ripps claims he is making a statement on "the inaccurate synthesized artificial beauty passing as everyday,"

• LITERALLY EVERYTHING VASELINE IS THE ULTIMATE PRODUCT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ITS EXISTENCE

Absolutely zero snark from me on this story. This man's clearly a victim. Anyone who saw more than one Taken movie certainly didn't do so of their own volition.

Or you could tell her that it is where you keep your gun locked up and that guns are for killing and you own that gun for shooting people dead. And that dead people are dead forever. Then you could teach her some actual gun safety in case she ever stumbles across your firearm.

Just riffing here.

Secretly convinced he is actually a virgin because of his two penises and that this is all just a really sad, sad front...

I'm pretty sure Jesus, Alabama is all of them.

'quicker than you can find your beans' is my new, folky, southern way of describing something that is quick.

No - Jesus, Alabama is one town west.

Intruders pelted with cans by students: 0

Dear pedant pedagogue, Wha, what???

are you bitching about a quote from another source? This is still another source, even if former writers have moved there.

human treasure talks to human garbage about non humans, is a treasure, makes garbage mad.

I'm picturing him communicating with his client via tomato soup can.

ooooh man there is SO MUCH to comment on in this whole thing! his name! the lie! the part where men wrote the bible! the part where he clearly doesn't know 'fallible' is also a word he could have used! the part where some churches don't like BOOKS THAT ARE SUPPOSEDLY PROOF OF WHAT THEY BELIEVE getting sold because the…

as someone who was arrested and plead guilty for stealing tampons and a bra from target as a homeless 18 year old I say fuck yes to this being a thing.

The name. That's the tip off.

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BACKWARDS ASS BACKWOODS THE HILL HAVE EYES TYPE SHIT ARE THESE PEOPLE RUNNING?!?!

This is NOT ok.

I'll help make "Because, Fuck You Jess" happen. I know one. Fuck her.