Nevermind being stalked when you’re not famous... the cops are even less likely to take you seriously.

Yeah, stalkers are pretty much the number one reason I would not want to be famous. Obscene wealth isn’t worth that loss of security.

Damn. I want Prince’s photo on MY passport.

To be fair, an aircraft carrier is basically a small island that can move. It’s an amazing feat of engineering and infrastructure. Trump’s wall would not be.

So I read this to Mr. Pie fully expecting him to react with the same WTF rage but instead I get “that’s not really that ridiculous compared to what else the government spends money on.” And I’m like “are you serious?” “Yeah, aircraft carriers cost almost the same.” “What? No way.”

Talk about a case of the boy that cried lobo...

“Fried food is generally revolting.”

You monster. Just for that, I’m taking a hat off of a cat.

I don’t know why my future children should get a better world than mine. Like eff them! What did those assholes ever do for me???

I assume you think that you should microwave the pizza? Microwaved pizza is an affront to all that is good and right in the world.

44 seconds or 55 seconds so you don’t have to move your finger.

Still hate this. These are funbag questions most of us will be denied because there’s no way in hell we’re listening to a podcast.

This is probably the worst spread I’ve ever seen.

You’re not eating enough pasta e fagioli if you have parm for that long.

....if y’all are buying pre-grated cheese, the cellulose is necessary to keep it from clumping up. It is shady to have more than is strictly necessary (ie. the 2-4%) as a cost-cutting method, but not inherently gross.

The only way you get that additive is if you buy it in the aisle where the pasta and sauce usually are. Cheese spoils easily, so when in doubt go to the refrigerated section and buy a chunk there. If you grate it yourself (and sing while you grate it, something my Mom used to make me do so I wouldn’t eat the cheese)…

Yeah, but that’s after you already have opened the clinic. How did he get the money to even open it? Just renting office space would take several thousand, furnishing it another several thousand, not to mention there is no way that an 18 year old would have the credit necessary to even obtain those things unless…

I feel like it’s in no way unreasonable to be suspicious of literally anyone who goes by “Dr. Love”.

Where did he get the money to do all of this? That clinic looks huge! That website looks legit! I wish he could have just used his love for medicine in a positive way by - say - getting a medical degree and actually being licensed to practice it.

Now I know why nobody plays the harpsichord anymore. Yeesh.