Okay phew, I was super confused.

Man, that is a solid point, he totally is a cooler version of my dad.

Wait... whaaaaa?

Wait... Beck is a Scientologist?

Jeremy Renner, you idiot... take note.

A Queen Bee abandons her hive?

But... you’re still driving a minivan, so... enjoy? Overselling a bit much, aren’t we?

Which is a perfect segue into my question: what do men control in a marriage? I mean, we all know that men have absolutely no say in most things, but what do they think they DO have a say in?

What is the deal with all the step-parent/step-sibling stuff that seems to be incredibly popular all of a sudden?

These ladies look so nonchalant, as if the hottest soccer player in the world takes them out for dinner EVERY night, and then they almost always spend the night in his fuggin’ suite.

So is it accurate to say that there will be a lot of babies created this weekend?

My eyeballs are bleeding...

I wept.

And this is why moms are fucking ninjas. She knew, the whole time, that she’d get revenge for your shenanigans when you were an adult and were wracked with guilt, so she didn’t bother questioning you at the time.

A most apropos username.

You didn’t say which candy bar is “the best chocolate bar,” and therefore this comment is ruled as incomplete because you have not clarified the ultimate bar? Do so now, please.

“Those little grid things?” Jesus Christ, Drew, they’re called hashtags. Stop being old all over my funbag.

And then giggles like a 7 year old because you said penis...

He is the broke ass, low rent, poor man’s version of Michael Shannon. Who is just... an incredible actor, unlike Jeremy Renner.