This is like a Chuck Norris joke but funny

Since that’s really what I’m trying to do, from your lips to an agent’s ears.

The other day I saw gravity at Barnes & Noble looking for a book on Simone Biles.

So what I’m hearing is, she’s the long lost love child of T’Challa and Storm?

My daughter has been in gymnastics/ cheer/ power tumbling world for 10 years, and I still can’t always tell how many rotations and what skills are going on. Biles in slo mo looks like most gymnasts on a regular routine.

Even in slow motion she’s moving really, really fast.

If only we could harness the rotational energy in her vaults, the world’s energy problems would be solved.

If I was an Olympic level woman gymnast, I would send Simone Biles a book on gravity because she doesn’t seem to understand how it works.

Even beyond the fact that alcohol doesn’t cause rape, I tend to doubt men who rape and sexually assault are going to care much about obeying the law when it comes to alcohol.

Temperance puts blame on alcohol instead of where it belongs, on abusers.

The number one cause of rape is rapists. I bet if we tackled the rapist problem, there’d be no rapes.

Below is an itemized list of all things that cause rape. The list is comprehensive and complete. No additions are necessary or relevant. To eliminate the threat of rape and sexual assault from society, deal with all the items in the following list. Here’s the beginning of the list.

Well, at least this is one horrifying law that will never be passed. It would certainly be kicked up the courts until it hit the Supremes, and we all know Brett “I like beer!” Rapeanaugh ain’t gonna rule for that!

Poor girl’s recollection is shot. She must be thinking about another guy who stole the mic. And also this is a hoax.

You mean negatively impact a GOP candidate? Especially a male GOP candidate?

Because if she did this, the GOP would bury her alive.

There was no right way for her to respond, either. She would either have been called too forceful, or not forceful enough. Probably both! Just look at the comment section here.

They absolutely should not—but violence only feeds their narrative of, “These people want to take your country from you!”

There is no good answer in this moment. If we try to go high, our opponents will only sink further into the gutter—and it’s clear that the gutter is a fast, free-flowing stream at the moment.

However,…

GOP voters: She’s so weak and easily startle-able!

GOP voters: “He’s so strong and forceful!”

She reacts in an adult responsible way: “HA HA CUCK! THIS IS WHY WE NEED A REAL MAN TO TAKE CHARGE.”

Imagine if we lived in a country where this could negatively impact a candidate?