the promotion seems largely symbolic

Whoever the Browns’ quarterback is, it’s pronounced “Owen.”

So what you’re saying is that Rhode Island’s offer to the PawSox was a bad deal for taxpayers, but another city’s offer was even Worcester?

Quite fitting for a team that planned to endive in the standings this year.

As I read the caption of the lawsuit, I was reminded of an old saying: It is easier for a Kamel to go through the eye of the Jets’ defense than it is for a woman/child/dog beater to enter the kingdom of God. Or something like that.

After a feat like that, this guy needs a nickname. How about “McBoatface?”

Agent: Luke, I got you a contract offer in the CPBL.

In Quebec, the correct spelling is breaux.

Wow, it’s almost as if Babar would be a good symbol for a political party.

calcifying heels

Who does that airport employee think he is, Captain Rex Kramer?

because they lost all their money to Bernard Madoff’s scamming—although as it happens they did

Just a few weeks ago, his nuclear family would have been off limits.

There is the allegation that Winston grabbed the driver’s crotch

If you’re going to allow a guy’s status in the medical profession to be displayed on his jersey, you should really put “Probable” on Tom Brady’s back.

Maybe the ballclub should re-invite them on a night when the team is temporarily called the Staten Island (Parentheses). 

the man who Facetimed Ramirez was caught with 435 grams of fentanyl

This will probably cause her to weiner self off hot dogs for good.

“Hold my syrup.”

Officer Collins slept in his car for half an hour