Instead, they've introduced a new contest where Auburn fans can guess Mr. Updyke's age by cutting him in half and counting the rings.

Man, what a racquet.

The Pittsburgh Steelers waived running back Isaac Redman in October of last season

The Worldwide Bleeder

They should just put Updyke in full pads and make him spend an hour trying to tackle Bo Jackson.

I can't feel sorry for a guy that plays for a team whose name and poor results ridicules people indigenous to southern Asia.

Rush Limbaugh was furious when he heard people celebrating the fact that another little Mexican had gone over the fence.

"No, no, no, Chuck. I said we needed to improve our Corsi ratings, not Corgi."

Further investigation revealed he was staying at the Extended Stay America Hotel

NASCAR has some new rules for drivers: Basically, stay in your car.

And then he'll piss on your grave.

I'd say he's actually embracing Detroit, since he took the time to shake the hand of a squatter.

"Walking down the street this morning, when I saw a grocery store. Reminded me of Marcus Camby's brother."

If Tom Werner is elected commissioner today, the real power will be the group of owners led by Reinsdorf and Arte Moreno

he was wearing the same jeans for three days

haul syringes of testosterone to the Dominican Republic to youth baseball farms with prospects between 12-17 years old

I spent the next few weeks talking with like 30 divorce attorneys in town

Man, the guy went from Barry Sanders' feet flyin' to Colonel Sanders deep fryin'.

Hey, it could be worse. His neck surgery could have been performed by Kevin Mitchell.

he had recently poured alcohol into his ears to test his theory about how Jesus healed the sick