I read Borders: Closed! as the terrible truth of the bookstore Borders being closed. It honestly took me a minute to realize it was the country's borders!
That said, half my family is very similar. In fact, it's the half I'm spending tomorrow with! How bad are they? Well, one favored piece of year-round decor is a…

I love my pantiliners! Always makes longer ones now, which is perfect for me.

And yes, that was an AWFUL pun on demon. I apologize!

After the AMA pics of Ariana Grande, all I can imagine is Mariah Carey in a tower glowering at her picture and chanting incantations. If Ariana fulfills Tavi's Christmas wish, she'll have a real-life DIVA-mon to contend with!

SRSLY. I don't care what else you do, Miley, but could you just please please please not wear those?! I do not want these to become fashionable ever again!

How can anyone NOT see a vagina? I saw this and thought, "Vagina." Showed it to my husband who said, "Thats a very cool-looking vagina." I'm looking at it now and all i can see is the vagina scene from Talk to Her. I didn't even know it had been designed by a woman! I wish she would own it and tell everyone, "Yes!…

OMG I just spit out my coffee at vaginarena! I think that's the nickname that will stick!

I can't read the rest of Dirt Bag. I am too distracted. I have a burning question that needs to be answered.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH HARRY STYLES HAIR? It looks like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket.

Katy, dear, you need to tell your makeup artist to better match your foundation. Your face is at least two shades lighter than...everything else. It is not a good look. Love your dress!

My biggest pet peeve with SNL is that they play the joke so early on in each sketch that it feels old and annoying by the end of the sketch. I want my sketches to build from witty banter to perfect comedic denouement.

I really hope to wake up in two weeks to discover that my eyebrows darkened overnight on my 30th birthday! That would be an awesome picture!

I present without comment:

I'm pro-comfort at all times, so the bedazzled pantsuit is my idea of AWESOMESAUCE. She is rocking it, too. I love it.

I've always wondered about the Anastasia line. I'll have to score a sample from Sephora.

I can't even imagine the horrible pain and suffering of a woman who has to have a late-term abortion. It makes me feel all the sad. To add this complete BATSHITTERY to it all is just so insulting.

What is the man's punishment for sex?

If I had the money to do this, I would. When I dye my hair brown (as I am won't to do every few months or so), I always dye my eyebrows. Until I can afford to get them dyed professionally, I just use an eyebrow powder to cover them up.

In less happy news, Miley Cyrus doesn't have eyebrows any more. I screamed aloud when I saw the picture. I am not ready for eyebrows to go out of fashion, guys, and I'm so scared. Please be with me in this time of need.

This is the dumbest, most bizarre non-sequitur gossip story I've seen in many a year: "Robert Pattinson's Girlfriend Dylan Penn Pictured In High School, As Pals Reveal Fears He Could Break Her Heart." WHAT?

My hubs cleaned out the fridge recently, so I'm happy to report everything in there is edible. I have a huge turkey thawing for hubs' Thanksgiving lunch at work, lots of eggs and cheese, even more wine, condiments galore, NOG, juice for my kids, BRUSSELS SPROUTS (the BEST veg!), some salad stuff and fresh herbs. And…