It’s never safe. That is all.

Exactly! You can get all tingle pants but still tell yourself “eh, he probably hates Mexican food” and get back to work.

The term “work wife” is equally horrible.

Curmudgeonly comment here: I fucking hate it when adult women at my office refer to their male coworkers as their “office husbands.” Just stop with that, people. Just knock it right off.

Oh, are you one of those people who don’t believe that two things can be terrible at the same time. ARE YOU?!!!?!!??!!??!

I maybe would have just closed the curtains, let them finish and sleep over, woken them up with Plan B and a bloody mary.

His levels of creating shit movies when he is capable of giving the audience better is insulting. It's like he wants to see how shitty he can make a movie and still fleece ticket buyers. Vile.

FORREAL THOUGH. I’m one of those moms that never carried a giant mommy bag, and the women I know who do carry one are like expected to carry everyone’s shit, and if they don’t bring someone’s thingamabob it’s their responsibility, like, “OMG HOW COULD YOU HAVE LEFT *MY* THINGAMABOB AT HOME?!?!” Ugh, maybe because she…

Where do you find pants with functional pockets? Teach me your secrets.

I’m going to say this as nicely as possible, but there’s not a lot of nice words for this. The way you told this story was incredibly pretentious and the advice you gave was terrible. Congratulations on your pending nuptuals, and I’m glad you found the right person for you.

She’s my daughter... She’s my granddaughter... my daughter, my granddaughter.

They didn’t. He sat back and watched his humor making fun of and pointing out racism being used as a pass to say racist shit and was like “woahhhhhhhhhh fuck that noise I’m out.”

Sending love to you. Dogs are one of the best things about this world.

I count on my dog, just like my other best friends, to let me know when a guy is bad news. She’s an excellent judge of character.

Ugh, hopefully one day that will be a complete non-issue and maybe we’ll even have one and not even know it.

Ugh, this shit is actually kind of offensive. Like, most women aren’t about to vote for Hillary (or any other female politician) just because she’s a woman. I am not going to all of a sudden jump at voting for two conservatives that don’t represent or support my interests just because they are women. It’s demeaning…

I came here for that joke and was not disappointed.

So Mitt’s binders finally came in handy?

My dad almost left me on the side of the road over an argument about global warming during a trip to check out colleges...

But ... they’re basically the same thing as bachelor/bachelorette parties.