Did the video match the story Ray Rice told you?

Ozzie Newsome: "You know. Ray had given a story to John [Harbaugh] and I. And what we saw on the video was what Ray said. Ray didn't lie to me. He didn't lie to me."

BREAKING: the NFL has hastily and retroactively promoted Cardinals linebacker John Abraham to executive.

Wow, so many apologies in a row; it's like he's in the Cal-zone!

From talking to reporters who did get burned on this (and there are a lot of them), they're angry for both reasons: Because they got fucked over by their sources, and because it was in the service of smearing a victim of domestic violence. And they are really, really mad.

You know the situation is seriously fucked up when it's getting me to like Adam Schefter

Here's an excerpt from the scouting report. And, I'll admit, it does contain a fair amount of racial coding:

The handrail in the elevator has also expressed regret for its involvement.

Honestly the definition of art is subjective so getting into a debate about it on the internets is silly, but IMHO it needs to involve creativity.

Yakety Sax works better for chaotic sequences, Spanish Flea works better for a montage of fail like this.

So now you've sued the only business that needs punters and slammed the only media that follows punters. You're a real fucking genius.

Haha! When they ran that Superbowl sweep for the first time in February, Terrence Knighton was so confused he literally side steps around Wilson and Lynch having no idea where the ball was. I think it's the first play here... watch #94 for Denver. Look at him... Harvin blew right by him and he doesn't even turn up…

Golden Tate made so many bad decisions as a punt returner before he actually figured it out. The amount of times he fielded punts at like the two yard line was stupid.

That .gif is the smoothest damn .gif I have ever seen. Damn...

Can we talk about how dumb it was for the Packers not to look Richard Sherman's way all night? I don't care how good you think a corner is (and he's REALLY GOOD); McCarthy deserves a pummeling for limiting his offense to half a field and 10-on-10 ball against a historically great defense.

It might also also just be the fact that Green Bay still doesn't know how to defend.

Aside from this play, my favorite form last night was (I think) the first handoff Harvin took on that sweep play where he comes darting across backfield from the slot position. The combination of Harvin's speed and Lynch and Wilson selling the fake broke poor Julius Peppers's brain. He just stood there, completely…

Once upon a season dreary,
while I pondered a weak secondary
And dreams of many quaint and curious playoffs of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came thunder clapping,
As of reporters fap fap fapping, fapping at Ray of yore
What murder? Sell some jerseys! Bilk the fans! Forget the gore!

Poor guy lost the bet and had to be the one to actually attend the game.