This was my dear friend Sohail Ameri’s last tweet. His Twitter is uproarious, check it out if you have nothing to do sometime.

I’m pretty sure that one Bills fan is snorting crushed up Percocet or something. It’s the whole point of the dollar.

OR, all three got robbed at a whorehouse and made up the whole taxi/police thing to hide that they were having sex with whores in the whorehouse.

Oh right, the three other guys. Are we positive they're not all Ryan Lochte in different wigs? All white swimmers look the same to me.

This, a trillion times over. And this all happened the night he failed to medal in the final event and the spotlight was now firmly OFF him.

That’s so well done I’d contribute to a Gofundme for this lady to get a pair of those FRESH Alien Stomper Reeboks they released last year, averaging around 800 bucks on EBay currently.

When looking at screenshots and videos of No Man’s Sky (still don’t own it) am I the only one who always hears that line from Ren & Stimpy, from the beginning of the Space Madness episode, where he says “Explore vast ALIEN WORLDS!” I always hear that line in my head.

Honestly, this Olympics for me has ALL been about these huge moments for unknown people in little known sports. I’ve not had any interest in certain events in the past simply because they weren’t the headlining events, but this time around I’ve been watching everything I can, specifically to see someone lose their…

“Love me or hate me...”

“...there’s ambling beasts everywhere, these incredible ambling mountains.”

There’s this weird emphasis these days on being combative in everything you do, as if it translates directly to confidence and therefore likability, I guess? I’m might be kinda spinning my wheels here, but I figured this was as good a place as any to do exactly that. Like the headline, “Hello BITCHES.” I feel like…

*Troy

Kick, punch, THIS IS ALL IN YOUR MIND

Yes, I’m “exposing” that I am a grown-ass man who cares about who is elected president. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everything, but I’m also entitled to judge the living fuck out of your dumb opinions.

The presidential election is on par with the Hulk Hogan sex tape? How old are you?

To this day I still wonder how different the world would be if Phil Hartman’s scumbag wife hadn’t killed him and he would have starred as Zap Brannigan as originally intended.

Finkle IS Eisenhorn!

Much like Salieri, I am the patron saint of mediocrity.

Yea yea, I wasn’t even thinking about classic rap. Tons of horn samples, yes. Speaking in strictly contemporary pop terms, though, I feel like Thrift Shop popularized that shit recently and I hate it now.

I mean, yea, but we’re not talking about horn SAMPLES too, are we? Because Thrift Shop can eat a dick.