Here’s a doozy of a question: how do you tell your wife she’s not as GOOD as you at taking care of the kid? She wants to take over whenever she’s around, and for fucks sake, this is what I do. I love her, but it’s kind of a problem. She doesn’t see it. She’s always been a kind of...cutthroat kind of Elaine Benes type,…

Oh MAN I've had to put my jacket on so many filthy bathroom floors for her because there wasn't even a fucking counter to put her on. Co-sign this times a trillion.

That movie treated women worse than I ever could.

The kind of people who would “Awoooo” at the aforementioned “Blah blah forget her name while fuckin” line.

Watch the second one! I just caught the scene where the whore spills condoms out of her purse in Saudi Arabia, then they hilariously run through the streets being chased by Muslims. It was the closest I’ve ever come to moving to Syria and joining a terrorist faction.

Sorry, but if you “dumped” the show in SEASON FOUR, you are still an Entourage fan and always will be. Four goddamn seasons of Entourage to realize how terrible it is? Stay away from my family.

Under Armor CEO (to Marketing Team): I want something snappy! Something with pizazz! Something that screams toughness and resiliency! Something like “The Patron Saint of Underdogs,” but you know, better, more aggressive, more in-your-face!

You honestly said to take the report that Richie Incognito got drunk and threw hamburger patties at people with a grain of salt? I think I just assumed he did, before I ever even saw this news.

Whaaaaaaaaa

Rub your cock on it.

Serious question: You don’t think Russell Wilson will even come close to Andrew Luck’s contract? He’s taken the Hawks to two Super Bowls in his first three years (his first year to the divisional round where they lost by two points in the last second) and...I won’t say HE won it, but with him, they won their first…

The 1970s were the American Renaissance period in cinema. NOBODY was fucking with our output at that time (except Kurosawa in Japan, funnily enough). I'll give you the 80s and 90s, sure. But not the 70s.

If there was a Venn diagram of people who watch Entourage and one of people I hate, it would be a perfectly overlapping circle.

Skeevily? He’s hanging with some escorts. He’s getting a lap dance and grabbing some booty. Jerry Jones is an insane hayseed, and I hate the Cowboys, but Jesus, let the man grab some booty.

I will never, EVER understand reunions/the attending of reunions.

That’s the exact same face she makes when she pulls up to a red light at an intersection and there’s a black guy to her left waiting to cross to the other side of the street. EXACT same face.

Nope, even worse, nobody else was around to make the situation a humorous one. Just a single guy, in his beater 1989 Camry, at like 2:00 AM, eating value menu fries and packets of salt.

In a haste to eat my Wendy’s french fries as fast as I could (while I was driving, so it was the one-hand method) because I was starving, I accidentally at one of those salt packets they throw in at the bottom of the bag, that somehow landed directly in the box of fries. I noticed the disgusting rush of a packet’s…

“Llowed” isn’t a word.

So they’re just tattooing prisoner’s terms on their necks, now? Inhuman.