And now my pants feel weird.

The problem I have with this woman and her message is the same problem I have with organized religion - I don't like anyone telling me what to do and what not to do. Please. Stop it. Go away.

People like this just get on my nerves. Why does she care about how other people live their lives? Just go do your own thing and leave my uterus alone.

Remember when Hope was dead and Lisa Rinna was all "I luv u Bo!" and the POOF Hope was alive again?? Anyone?

I'm with you, Patton.

Shailene Woodley and Blake Lively both wore outfits made of the same material so now they have to fight to the death in a large pit.

Being so self-absorbed and short-sighted that you are unwilling to talk to your children about sex is actually pretty immature. Believing that by closing your eyes, the thing you're afraid of can't see you and will go away is developmentally appropriate for a two-year-old. Which this gentleman is acting like.

From the perspective of a dabbler who would like to publish a book some day, the idea "Despite it being years since J.K. Rowling has done anything of note," is risible.

:(

Oh, Emma, I want to quit judging my body, but I fell asleep in the sun this past Saturday, got a super bad sunburn on my face, and it's at the stage where it's still really red but starting to peel! I look like a mummified boiled lobster.

They should also be afraid of robots who want to eat old people's medicine for fuel.

The only thing I remember about the finale was when Dad told us to stop crying because it was "just a TV show" and then I didn't talk to him for two days.

I was deciding which pair of pleated pants would go best with the new interior on my Honda Accord.

I sent Anna Wintour a picture of me wearing my sweatpants and a Dog the Bounty Hunter t-shirt I got on sale at a Family Dollar store and asked her if it was cool if I went tonight. She told me I could wear the outfit at the Met Gala, but only if I agreed to sit with Giuliana Rancic. I turned her down.

he has sad pants

because this:

Argh....for $400 a pop, couldn't they have hung the back drop straight?

My wedding is in a month, and I can think of nothing better in the entire universe than a live Rickroll at the reception. If any of you can put me in contact with his people, please do so. I am dead serious.

What kind of assholes need to make waking up so complicated??