Yeah, I remember the moment when it dawned on me that the real story of Lot was that he offered up his two young daughters to be raped by a frenzied mob and that this was why God decided he alone was moral enough to save. Then his wife looked back as the only home shed ever known was destroyed in fire and brimstone…

Can I recommend your post a quintillion times?

Ms. Mulgrew:

People realize we can like, go into space and see stuff? Far apart from the fact that you don't even need to go into space to observe and calculate the ways in which the planets move.

Tilda for Queen of the World!

My birdcage wall decals are apparently made from the found notebooks of beat poets. Neat.

I feel like the music festival gene is something you're either born with or you're not because, honestly, even when people describe their good experiences I feel like I'd rather spend time in a scuba suit full of angry bees.

If that makes you best friends, does a retweet equal marriage? Because that would make me married to MANY, MANY* EXCELLENT CELEBRITIES.

Stoya, I am the wrong person to be asking. I think it's wrong for almost anyone to call my mobile devices, regardless of how they got my number, because I hate talking on the phone and you should know that about me by now.

Until Madagascar closes it's ports I'm not going to worry too much.

Why did I have to be picking at a hangnail when I read this?

Well then, I'm sorry to say that it is already too late.

You guys, this is just common sense. Like, if you're a guy, then you have a penis. And if you masturbate, then you're touching your penis. Which makes you a guy touching a penis. Which makes you gay.

Pretty soon, that one weird kid in your class who smelled like pee and ate paste is going to be hailed as an alternative lifestyle guru for eating toxin-attracting organic adhesives and pioneering urea exfoliations.

No. No NO NO.

Every time Jezebel has posted about the detrimental selfie, I've never understood what the fuss was all about.

Sometimes I really want to write a novel about the dystopian near-future where social media/technology has completely taken over everyone's lives, but I can't think of ridiculous enough examples. And then real life always beats me to the punch.

I would take an aftersex selfie, but I'm pretty sure a picture of me waving would be pointless.

yeah, there's that crazy trick thing nowadays when you are taking your SATs and you tick off the box that says "black"...all of a sudden, your score goes to the 99th percentile.