"Look at all the celebrities I know!"

I wonder how many people I can get to unfriend me.

Her face is going to stay like that, if my grandmother's constant warnings are to be believed.

I guess at some point the Universe simply couldn't ignore it anymore and said "Ugh! I can't even!"

Ah! It wasn't homosexuality that befell Rome, it was socks with sandals. I KNEW IT

Family disagreements involving physical altercations is part of the reason the show COPS is still on the air.

Does that mean insober is a word? It's fancier than "drunk."

I find our society's endless stream of apologies exhausting. I need a t-shirt that says "I forgive you."

"And after the fire come on my show so that I can 'lovingly' berate you for letting the fire start in the first place." #DrPhil

And I'm finding that it's the people who willingly and happily bought the perfection she was selling who want to take her down a few pegs. At least the people I know. They've gone from "I love her, I want to be just like her, swoon!" to "Ugh, fucking fake."

I just checked my trash and see that I also received one. I've never been pregnant, can't even get pregnant, and the last baby gifts I purchased were for a friend 8 years ago. Old data is old. And wrong.

Eh, my niece got a finger tat removed because as it faded it looked like it bled into itself and looked like a blob, like a mole she needed to have checked.

I mean, she was GOING to, but actually HADN'T.

She wasn't taking pictures. Even if she was that wouldn't justify wrestling with her, taking her phone, and searching through it.

People have been writing about how horrible it is to be the assistant to a famous person since there have been assistants to famous people. How is it that no one seems to know what they're getting into?

FAYE! What do you think happened in that elevator between Solange and JayZ?

*claps happily*

On the one hand you're wondering what he did to set her off, what cruel, mean thing he said to deserve a beating. Then you end by pointing out he looked confused.

Hey, I found your uterus in my yard.

Ugh. This is still too complicated for my tiny female brain. Just show me some lolcats.