Independent birdcage wall decals, paid for by your parents.

You shut up, Mara Wilson. I'm besties with every celebrity who favorites something I say to them. So...two celebrities.

I can't believe that with my barrel full of useless celebrity knowledge, I can't think of one actress who dated a costar and dumped him right after filming, has one kid, and may be into psychics.

See? It's so common I wonder why we make such a big deal about it at all. On the one hand, no it's not shameful. On the other, do you have to announce to the world that you just did something that humans have been doing since there have been humans?

Today I've seen Miley 99.8% nude AND fully clothed in pot-themed footie pajamas. What a crazy time we live in.

I'M CLUTCHING MY PEARLS. I cannot leave the house again without a Krysten Ritter wig.

"Kids, here's 4,576 minutes of how I met your mother, though most of it has nothing to do with how I actually met her or our many near-misses. But in the end, we met, we had the two of you and then she died. The end."

She made Orlando wait six months for a KISS? That's crazy.

I got bored of Jennifer Aniston being pregnant with twins about six years ago. It's the fault of the tabloids that they can't come up with anything new.

We have one in Fort Collins now.

SDPD spokesman Lt. Kevin Mayer told U-T San Diego that cataloguing tattoos is an important tool for identifying adult entertainers, who can change their appearance with a wig, makeup or colored contact lenses.

So Liz Phair doesn't work for Buzzfeed. Good to know.

I admit this show grew on me. I can see them growing more comfortable and really getting to know their characters. I can't wait to see what they do in season 2.

Some auras are very slimming.

"Conscious uncoupling" is an awfully smug way to say "breaking up."

According to my mother, a REAL job is something you hate doing. If you enjoy it, it's a hobby. Even if you make a billion dollars doing it.

I love walking around sounding like a Sleestak.

The more a studio tries to convince me of chemistry between actors, the more I know it doesn't really exist.

"I mean, we'll look into it, but we didn't even think anyone would notice."

Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's hard to call home because I don't know if I'm going to get Happy Drunk Mom or Angry Drunk Mom. It's easier to email, but even that's tricky because I never know what I might write that she'll latch onto, blow out of proportion, and chew my ass about later.