She made Orlando wait six months for a KISS? That's crazy.

I got bored of Jennifer Aniston being pregnant with twins about six years ago. It's the fault of the tabloids that they can't come up with anything new.

We have one in Fort Collins now.

SDPD spokesman Lt. Kevin Mayer told U-T San Diego that cataloguing tattoos is an important tool for identifying adult entertainers, who can change their appearance with a wig, makeup or colored contact lenses.

So Liz Phair doesn't work for Buzzfeed. Good to know.

I admit this show grew on me. I can see them growing more comfortable and really getting to know their characters. I can't wait to see what they do in season 2.

Some auras are very slimming.

"Conscious uncoupling" is an awfully smug way to say "breaking up."

According to my mother, a REAL job is something you hate doing. If you enjoy it, it's a hobby. Even if you make a billion dollars doing it.

I love walking around sounding like a Sleestak.

The more a studio tries to convince me of chemistry between actors, the more I know it doesn't really exist.

"I mean, we'll look into it, but we didn't even think anyone would notice."

Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's hard to call home because I don't know if I'm going to get Happy Drunk Mom or Angry Drunk Mom. It's easier to email, but even that's tricky because I never know what I might write that she'll latch onto, blow out of proportion, and chew my ass about later.

Who, when it comes to money and fame, is more aspirational than Kim and Kanye?

It's why my dryer has a de-wrinkle setting.

Nevermind, I can't seem to figure out gifs now. Thanks, new Kinja!

I still have Twitter, never had Instagram, and gave up Facebook last week. Now. If I could only give up Gawker Media...

Yikes!

I'm so glad my dentist pulled four molars when I was a tween (in preparation for braces) because he said it would make room for my wisdom teeth. He was right.

My sister didn't call me, but she did text me all in caps. She never does that. She's the calm, laid back one in the family.