I bet he makes lightsaber sounds with his penis when he's alone.

Combine "make love" with "afternoon delight" and I'm NOPE NOPE NOPING out of the room like a solar flare.

Who does this guy think he is, Luke Skywalker?

Your body says "ready" but your face says "I dare you."

Like that time Captain Kirk asked what God needed with a starship, I'm wondering what God needs with the postal service.

I haven't been able to wear anything around my neck since 4th grade when some jackass on the bus thought it would be funny to choke me "just a little bit" with my scarf. NO SCARVES.

I've never hated Valentine's Day more than I do right now.

Isn't it obvious why we weren't invited? Because we're not adorable little kids. My mother always told me, "Act your age, not your shoe size," but maybe if I acted my shoe size I'D HAVE BEEN INVITED.

I understand that awards only mean something when your favorite person wins and they mean nothing when someone you hate wins. I predict we bitch about Macklemore until it's time for the Emmy's and Jennifer Lawrence wins another one. I can't wait for that fallout.

My mom told me that one time she got into a fight with her sister and her sister grabbed a knife and chased her down the hallway and when my mom shut the bedroom door her sister stabbed at the wood five or six times. This was in 1955-ish. Wouldn't have been the first sibling murder in the family, either. :-\

This is for you and LR1: Take those details and write them down. Sell the book for six or seven figures. Ride off into sunset.

Is this some bizarre blind item and later today there will be a followup about how HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, MISCHA BARTON TEARS PHONES OUT OF PEOLE'S HANDS AND STOMPS ON THEM.

Then he went to the ATM machine and changed his PIN number.

I want you to know that if I had a superpower a la Misfits I'd totally steal your talent and not feel bad. (I'm quite open about my jealousy)

I read this yesterday, said by Bieber's mother: "I think so many people go into the entertainment industry with amazing Christian roots and they go in with the right morals and they get influenced somehow."

Hunger Games-esque you say? How timely of him. There certainly isn't a glut of like books already on the shelves or coming down the pipe this year. I'm sure his Hunger Games-esque story will stick out. Maybe a love quadrangle.

So Level 4 is Age of Aquarius?

"Oh, and a followup question, if i may - I'm being forced to ask you this as well - what sort of pie would you bake for Justin Bieber?"