I simply unfollow the friends who annoy me with their 300 "baby's first Christmas!" pictures. But I can check out their wall periodically to see if anything else in happening in their lives beyond dressing their baby in a succession of outfits for them to puke on. It's so easy an old like me can do it.

I'm curious as well. With that part of the brain irreparably damaged, I have doubts that doing anything to the stomach will interrupt the signal at all.

I'm so confused. Are women wired for monogamy or for polyamory? I await your answer, white men of science! I'll deny my natural libido and base desires until you can tell ME what I'M wired for.

Had I a ladyboner for Aaron Carter he would have killed it with the use of "din din." I better make sure my husband understands this new ladyboner parameter.

Of course we don't really throw it out. That's just what I want to tell her because this is three years in a row now, with her thinking I'll "grow out of this phase" like I'm a teenager experimenting with whacky hair color. It's also a little mean because I want to eat those cookies SO BAD.

Every year my mother sends me things I can't eat, because she believes my diagnosis of celiac disease is me trying to "be different." I'm going to tell her to just take that money and throw it in the trash, because that's what I do with the food she orders.

I call that "the Find Me itch" and I get them pretty regularly. I just start scratching everywhere until I find it.

Bashful and Blush turned Bloody.

Zeus's neck isn't a neck, it's a second torso.

Let's be completely honest. Brandi Glanville's been a hot mess since the moment the public became aware of her.

Obviously, I get too much food in my mouth and not enough in my hair. BUT I CAN CHANGE, CHRIS.

Welcome to glitter hell, Cobie.

Beyonce could create her own line of designer scrunchies and staple them to her fabulous ass and they will still, never ever, be cool.

Sometimes the Internet makes me feel weird for not getting emotionally invested in the relationships of entertainers. I'm looking for my caring, but I can't find it. :-\

I used to joke that if I had had a son I'd have named him Genghis. Someone should bring this name back.

I get the feeling that some parents believe they're residents of District Two and they're prepping their little Careers for totally murdering everyone in the arena.

It wasn't for a lack of trying, though. Several nights we saw a UPS truck delivering packages in our cul-du-sac at 9:30 at night. Poor bastard.

How timely. I just read that paragraph last night. I'm still pissed about it.

I'd say that tornado totally fucked him.

So she should refuse being paid for the work she did in a movie because of what some jackass does to a poster? Or maybe she should pull a Paltrow and threaten magazines with a lack of Clooney cooperation if they run an interview with photoshopped pictures?