I'm a lot like you. Once I'm awake, I'm awake. It sucks.

When it becomes apparent that you cannot change another person's behavior, it's time to change your own. Buy a nightlight so that you can see in the pitch black bathroom at 3am and put the seat down before you sit. He's not going to adjust his behavior for you.

Nothing makes me tired of a movie faster than lame Entertainment Weekly covers. And there will be 25 of them before the movie even comes out.

Since science is now telling me I have a tiny brain, I'd like some tiny T-Rex arms to go with it.

I want to hug you, because no matter how much fat I ditch with diet and exercise, my cellulite thighs remain steadfast. Thanks, genetics!

The Real Housewives shows need to be renamed to something more appropriate. Like The Clueless Mean Girls of CITY. They all vomit mean girl shit all over each other and then get all confused and cry when it's their turn to wear the vomit. All of these people are toxic.

I suffer from chronic Jennifer Aniston exhaustion. Every single week with her! And it's boring shit! I can see the headlines when she's 80: Jennifer Aniston, still childless in case you were wondering!

I'm disappointed for Joan Rivers. She was a trailblazer for women comedians. She was tough. She made her career happen in the face of sexist adversity and became a legend. Now she's going to be remembered as a plastic surgery addict who talked shit about other women's dresses on the E! network. This is her legacy now.

But what does it mean? I have no idea what's going on.

"I had no idea insulting my customers would piss any of them off."

And yet babies will put absolutely anything in their mouths. So once they work up the courage to touch something, straight into their drooling mouth it goes!

People awash in bitterness are so attractive. I'm sure she'll find a man who won't cheat on her in no time.

OMG thank you! I forgot about the booby traps!

If a uterus begins gathering cobwebs at 26, then at 43 mine is mummified and I'm wondering if I should start shoving treasure up there because an ancient tomb isn't a proper ancient tomb without some treasure.

If it's a prequel then Sarah Connor's arms are a long way off from being weapons of mass destruction. It wasn't until the second movie that she was all "I better get prepared for the coming war by doing pushups and pullups nonstop!"

I don't think "cankles" are seen as feminine. It's maddening.

She really has rose colored glasses when it comes to Cabot Cove, because they way I remember it there was a whole crapload of murder going on. In fact, everywhere she went someone was being murdered.

I'm considered to have these dreaded "cankles", but they really are just my ankles. They're not dainty ankles attached to ultra-slim calves, though, and that's why they look thick. But they're not fleshy. They're solid ankles. They're strong ankles. Yet the insecure part of me sometimes looks at them and wonders...is…

I just started it and so far so good...but I'm not a fan of present tense first person writing. But I'll deal.

I'm really starting to hate Disney. I'm one "popular anime characters as Disney princesses!" art project from tossing out every Disney studio movie I own.