No way Trump dodges a shoe. He doesn’t have the reflexes. Jabba the Hut has a better chance of dodging a shoe. Trump is a sitting duck for a Florsheim Facial.

As a Packers owner, I’m glad to see my calls on social media for his ouster were immediately heeded

In the UFC, that's parsley for the course.

How bad is it that Bill Simmons was the self aware one here?

Hmm, I was just being honest.

Wow, were you lying about not trying to sound like a jerk? Or did you sound like a jerk on accident?

You don’t speak for all veterans. Veterans do not get to decide what the flag/anthem mean to the citizens of this country.

You can repeat yourself as often as you like, and you’ll still be wrong.

:cues up These Eyes by The Guess Who:

The clearest message that I get out of WYTS every year is that attending an NFL game in person is a fucking horrible decision and only idiots do it.

+1 Rad per second

Mark Davis looks like he should be in an Austin Powers movie as the sickly villain Ginger Ail. 

Davis looks like a Ghoul shop keeper from the Fallout universe.

it’s gotten so bad they don’t even bitch about the Tuck Rule anymore

Given the way Porcello and Price have been pitching this year, they’re perfectly cromulent 2nd and 3rd starters for the postseason.

basically the Carl Reiners and Mel Brooks-es of the future,

Return home from another miserable day of eking out an existence on this mountain, find that someone has broken into my hut and shit everywhere.

So I shuffle into a dark corner and drop my pants, praying a goat or something doesn’t jump out of nowhere and bite my balls off, and unleash a torrent stream of liquid ass all over this mud hut floor.

What kind of monster shits in someone else’s hut?