When I got to that second-paragraph twist, my Da Vinci Code Collector's Edition Dress Monocle fell into my Five Alive.

Man, Junkyard Dog is a badass. Dead for years and he can still get arrested.

They're gonna need shorter shorts.

That's some pretty late hairstyle advice.

Tell me how his dinner tasted.

Visit the downtown courts building voluntarily? Why would you want to punish your readers?

Same thing used to happen for 'Arkanoid' whenever 'The Hogan Family' aired.

What will they be extracting, exactly? All hope for America?

How did such a clearly intelligent young man let Toyota get away with that grammatically-incorrect-in-favor-of-rhyme-scheme title?

Snap into a Fib Jib!

I'm glad that Terry is finding ways to enjoy himself during the Red Sox' can't-end-soon-enough apocalyptic season in progress.

Wish I couldn't decipher terrible Twitter grammar... It would otherwise be exciting to misunderstand that Jose Canseco holds power over a time-traveling attack cockroach that he can dispatch at will to wreak havoc upon families in the ancient Sumerian city of Ur.

My "Photon" investment has been made doubly foolish.

What prankster switched out Todd's Season 1 & 2 DVD sets of 'True Blood' with something slightly less gay? (I can't even—Westminster Dog Show B-roll, maybe?)

Wait...aren't most NFL games played on the Lord's Day? How will Tebow account for this money-changing in the temple?

And yet, when Pitino coached the Celtics, he was against the fast break.

@Murray Hewitt: This theory also holds water (along with mine expressed above).

But...he's so white! That was the only race Walt Disney approved of!

That's pretty much the way I treated my Lakers-fan friends right after L.A. beat the Celtics; I immediately regretted it and apologized because it didn't feel right. Now I can define that feeling as "French".

That gentleman earned himself a spot on George Clooney's next swordfish expedition.