The current President of the United States absolutely would (will? *has?*) masturbate[d] to that image.

Think Different™: Have Your Mom Cut Your Hair.

The forms of the same person from two different points in time couldn’t make physical contact without collapsing the matter of both bodies. TimeCop rules.*

Edit:

Reader “Dan” up there has apparently been watching Superman III.

“Sports Illustrated: Zero registered accounts”

That’s some weak-ass villainy.

The Spurs’ big three:

Wait until he remembers his taxes are due today, too.

His songs indicate a strong desire to let the world know he has smoked marijuana drugs and touched girls in their bathing suit areas. I conclude that he is 14 years old.

He made 'Taken'?

Adjusted:

Who's Done and why is the Florida coach going to muschamp him?

That investigation team seems very Rooney Mara-biased.

It's not delivery; it's Domestic Abuse.

I think I'm in the wrong line. I was supposed to NOT read this article today.

He's treating the team like his first acting role, "Pit Inmate Shot Back into Pit".

It'd be very surprising if a governor who is obviously a transvestite voted this bill into law.

Big Heroin loves that hashtag.

Waaaay too soon, Brett. You are no Philip Seymour Hoffman.